16 years of our lives together. One day, she decided to go. I was left alone with my thoughts, my feelings. I said to myself, “if I love her, I should let her go”. She left and I kept thinking where had I failed. I failed in so many things, in so many ways. I always thought we will be together forever, which was my first mistake. I never asked her about what she needed; I never told her how much I loved her, because I always thought she loved me as much as I did. I never felt insecure, because I always trusted her. I thought she never called me because there was trust and respect in both sides.
I was always sure about myself. I will always love her. I never asked myself, will she always love me? Love is blind. I was blind for so many years. One day I realized that her love was not there for me anymore, but it was too late. I tried to ignore too many signs because to me, family came first. I said to myself: “I don’t think we would do such a thing to our family.” However, we did. Our daughters don’t deserve to live in a broken family. Some people might not agree with me, but the truth is that once someone leaves, the family life that was there once will never be the same.
I took 16 years of her life. I don’t know how many times she felt really happy at my side, but I felt happiness ever since the first time I saw her. There were times I really failed to her. I failed when I should have told her how much I loved her and I didn’t. She looked for my tenderness and my love in so many ways and I didn’t know how to show them to her. How many anniversaries I let go unnoticed, how many birthdays. How many times I didn’t see how pretty she was. I always wanted to see the girl I meet 16 years ago, not knowing she had become a woman, my wife. How many times I spent time with her and I didn’t make her happy. She wanted to spend time with me, and my pride never let me see that she needed my attention, my love, my respect.
I don’t blame her, she deserves to be happy. She was always there for me when I most needed her. She gave me so many wonderful things, that no other person will ever give me. She made me a father, a man, a husband. I am part of her life thanks to my two wonderful daughters. Because of that, I will always love her. She broke my heart in two, one part is my daughter Gabriela and the other one is my daughter Nayeli. We were the first two letters in the alphabet, always together, but at the same time we were the first and last sign of our future, a ram and a fish, and you slipped away like a fish from my life to never return to my shore. I failed to her so many times. I failed to show her how much I really loved her. I failed to tell her how much I needed her. I will always pay with tears for the rest of my life. I lost her. I am still a fool, the same old fool who doesn’t know how to love, who doesn’t want anybody to love him because he has been hurt so many times. I really thought I had found the person I was going to get older with. I really want to let go, but I can’t. I don’t know how. Every time I feel better, something else brings me down and there I go, starting from the bottom again. I need to let her go or I will die. I want to live for my daughters, they are my most important gifts in the world that God gave me and I don’t want to lose them either. I want to live for them. I am ready to die at any time, but for any of my daughters I will live to be a hundred. I want my daughters to be proud of me one day. I want them to think of their father as the one who survived many ups and downs. I thought I was the best father among all, now I see that they also needed my attention, my love. My little one loves me so much. My older one loves me too, but she doesn’t show it.
I don’t know if I ever love again, because in life, there is only a first family, a first wife, a first true love. I will only have one true wife, one true marriage. It is true, for most people marriage is only a paper. However, to me it is 16 years of our lives together as one, 16 years of sad and happy days. I am not good with dates, but I assure you that I remember those happy times as if they just happened yesterday. The time I saw you for the first time, the day we got married in front of a Christ with the ocean as our witness, and took you as my only wife. That day you became my partner for the rest of my life. I gave you my life that day and I am still yours. The day we got married, was the best day of my life. Then one day, May 19, 1997, happiness struck and my first daughter was born. I can’t give so much thanks to God for that day. There were so many times we shared together that it is hard to continue. Please, give me some time, don’t push me. I will be O.K.
Then happiness stroke twice again and my youngest daughter Nayeli, was born in February 27 2002; almost in my wife’s birthday. I felt so happy with my family. However, I can only speak for myself, because I don’t know how many times she was really happy to be with me. The days we spent in that warehouse under the rain, protecting with each other from that terrible cold weather. I was so happy to be with you. Those years together were my sweet sixteen. Sixteen years under the same roof, sixteen years of dreams which never came true. Sixteen years building castles in the air. Now I finally woke up, and see the real world. Now I wish my life was only a dream and I wish to wake up and see you at my side. Now that every time I wake up I see only an empty side of my bed, I want to go back and dream that you still here, that you never left and then sleep forever.