I am no stranger to domestic abuse; I have lived that fear first hand on more than one occasion. The sad fact is that many women and men are stuck in that vicious cycle right this moment. Even as I write this people are dying as a result of domestic violence. What can you do if you find yourself in this position?
First and foremost remember that you do not have to be a victim. It can be very difficult to get out of an abusive relationship but I can tell you from experience that it is possible. I remember what it was like to say “he only hit me a little, and he apologized” or “I deserved it for________”. If he hits you or abuses you in any other way once then take it from someone who knows, chances are he will do it again and none deserves to be abused – not ever. Below you will find a list of things that can aid you in getting out and staying out of the abusive relationship.
· Make a safety plan with someone you trust. This person(s) will be your support team. This person may be a crisis counselor, a family member or a trusted friend. No matter who it is make a plan that will get you out safely without any harm coming to you, your children or anyone who is helping you. · When you have a moment to get some things packed without detection then do so. Store your packed items somewhere safe. The best place to store these things is with the person that you have the safety plan with. Never do too much at one time because, generally speaking, people who abuse have control issues and chances are – they will notice. · Try to secure a prepaid phone to keep for emergencies and contacting your support team. Often times your safety plan buddy can help you secure this if you are in a situation where your finances are being controlled. Keep the phone close, but hidden. Always keep the phone on silent and without vibration so it cannot be detected by the abuser in case it rings. Only give the number to your support team. · Secure a P.O. Box for safety reasons if you possibly can. I would suggest that you secure this P.O. Box at least a couple towns away from where you are or will be going. Once you leave you will not want your physical address listed on anything. Abusers have control issues and when they want you they will go above and beyond to find you. For that reason alone make sure that someone in your support team has a key so they can check your mail for you until it is safe for you to do so yourself. · Don’t go anywhere where the abuser can find you. If it is possible steer clear of staying with family and friends that your abuser is familiar with. It is not your family and friends that you cannot trust- it is the abuser. They will always look in the most obvious places. Depending on the severity of the abuse, it would be a good idea not to let anyone outside of your support team know where you are. Don’t leave and stay in the same town where the abuser lives or works. · File a restraining order as soon as you leave if you can do so without giving up your secure location. Your support team should be able to help you through this process. · Once you leave, stay away from all forms of social networking until you are 100% safe. We live in a digital world and it is fairly easy to find people using social networking sites. I am an internet junkie but believe me when I tell you that it is safer to stay away from social networks for a while.
This is an abundance of information to take in and it is only the tip of the iceberg. The rules change when children are involved but don’t stick around an abusive relationship for the kids. The children will be more damaged by witnessing the abuse than they would by a broken home. Whatever you do, please form a support team and make a plan to get out of the abusive relationship.