Remember what it was like being in middle and high school and feeling like all eyes were on you? Remember how it suddenly became important to have the latest fashion, and friends to talk to in the hall between classes? Looking back on those years, perhaps not every eyeball was glaring our way but it sure felt like it some days. Kids today still go through those same issues. David Elkind, author of Parenting Your Teenager states that children ages 12 to 16 can develop an “imaginary audience” and feel as if everyone is watching them, which makes them acutely aware of their actions and appearance. According to Anne Krueger, an author for HealthDay states that shyness is likely to be a new-found self-consciousness. It’s very normal for teenagers to go through a shy phase.
When to worry
It’s very normal for a teenager to hideaway in her room and not engage in any social situations. It’s more than likely that she is sorting out her feelings and trying to figure out how to deal with new situations in her life. However, when your teenager withdraws from all her normal activities for a long period of time, it’s time to take some action.
Tips on how to cope
Be patient and understanding. Try to remember what it was like to be a teenager.
Build her self-esteem. Allow her to overhear you say nice things about her.
Try joining a club with kids outside of school.
Don’t compare her. Everyone has their own personality and social temperament.
If she is having trouble making friends, trying practicing social skills.
Don’t urge your child to change. Accept her for who she is and let her know that she is wonderful just as she is.
Don’t tell her how to feel. She just needs you to accept it and understand.
Praise her strengths. She may not have the personality to run for student council, but she can earn major accomplishments in other areas of her interests.
If enough time has passed and your teenager is still not getting back into the swing of things in her social life, consider talking to her pediatrician for other options.
Being a teenager in today’s world is not the easiest time to live through. Having understanding and patient parents is important so that your teenager knows she is being supported and has help when she is ready to ask for it.
Sources:
Elkind, David. Parenting Your Teenager. Ballantine Books, 1996.
http://consumer.healthday.com/encyclopedia/article.asp?AID=645926
http://www.professorshouse.com/Family/Teens/Articles/Shyness-in-Teenagers/
Additional reading:
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens; Sean Covey
The Me Nobody Knew; Shannon McLinden
The Days of My Life: A Journal; Betsy McMahon