This is an excerpt from an upcoming book about my experiences with God.
Misinformation is spread about Christianity, and those who want a relationship with God (becoming a born again Christian) are curious as to how. It sounds sacrilegious to some, and others question why God would want a relationship with them. I once pondered the same, but now know it’s because He loves me.
There’s much talk about being a good person, going to church, and doing good deeds. Being a “good” person usually means having morals. Going to church can be uplifting, and I wouldn’t advise against attending–especially if the church preaches the unadulterated Word. More good deeds are needed too.
However, none of the above facilitates a relationship with God. Going to church didn’t make it easier for me to approach God until I was born again. Abuse and neglect had been inflicted on me, and I had also sinned in reaction to pain which made guilt my companion. Intellectually, I knew God was a forgiving God, but I couldn’t fathom how he could forgive me, or how I could feel clean. Therefore, I remained depressed for years.
I had heard my maternal grandmother talk about being born again, but I couldn’t understand it. I also heard my grandmother (born in 1901), who was a hell fire and brimstone street evangelist, preach about how you had to cease sinning to be saved. As a kid, I thought of God as an austere judge who was waiting for me to sin, so he could beat me with a super-sized gavel. I also thought since I couldn’t stop lying (due to fear of being physically abused) that I would never become born again, converted (as the old school Christians called it), or saved. Hell was my portion, or so I thought, and later I became an agnostic.
Fast forward to age 30, when I realized no one could help me out of depression, suicidal ideation, and fear, I began reading the New Testament. It wasn’t by choice, I was drawn to it by a Force stronger than myself. I now recognize the Force–God, the Holy Spirit, who was gently wooing me. I began praying and reading the Bible daily, asking God for help and guidance. While devouring the gospel of John, I read, “Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.” (John 3:7, KJV) This verse was stuck in my head like a Prince song (which I listened to a lot of then), and I asked God how do I become “born again?”
The answer surfaced while reading Romans 10:9-10 (KJV):
“That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”
I followed those instructions, but still didn’t get it, so I prayed the same prayer daily for a month. Finally, I commenced listening to the Holy Spirit who whispered that He heard me the first time I prayed, and I was now “born again,” because I had confessed and believed. All this occurred in my bedroom, as I knelt by my bedside reading the Bible and praying.
It was a few months later that I began attending church, which leads to another chapter in my spiritual journey . . .
Sources
King James Bible online.