” I love her cause she got her own, she don’t need mine she said leave mine alone”- Neyo- She Got Her Own
These attitudes and teachings are found more predominantly in black women than in other cultures. We are taught to go get your education that will enable you to earn more so that you will be able to support yourself. While women in other cultures seek education more for personal growth, we seek education for higher earning power. No to say earning power is not important to them because it is but it is NOT AS important to them as it is to us. Other women are able to have the option to have careers to CONTRIBUTE to their household, not support. They still see the importance of balance and know that their husband is to be the head of the family.
“I don’t need a man.” I cringe when I hear women say this. It displays a lack of emotional and mental maturity. You may not have a man and you may not ever have a man but what a sad existence that is. I mean as a woman when you really know A MAN, you will want and need a man. Women are not supposed to (yes I said it) cut the grass, lift heavy objects, change tires, and engage in manual labor. God gave man the physical build to do that. He created us to complement each other. He made it so we do desire and need each other. If life is to continue men need women and women need men.
The reason that we have this philosophy is because our men have failed us. We know that if we don’t get it for ourselves well then, we may not get it at all. I mean it’s so sad today to see men that think it’s okay to wear skinny jeans; men that think it’s okay not to work (of course, I do have mild compassion, and I do mean very mild compassion because of the current economy); men that sit in the car while a woman pumps the gas. I could go on and on but I would probably throw up. What’s even sadder is that I see plenty of men like these that are able to get women.
I stay on the skinny jeans because a MAN; and I mean a real man does not follow trends. A real man is the head of his household- a leader and is supposed to follow the LORD. If a male is following Lil Wayne, New Boyz, Chris Brown and Kanye West, well he CERTAINLY cannot lead me.
Every woman is different and has her list of what she requires in a man. I hear women say they want an educated man. By this they mean a formal education as in college. I know a few dumb people with degrees. You can pay tuition and buy a degree but wisdom is not for sale. Class and charm are no attributes you can pick up off the shelf. You can buy clothes but style; you have to have that on your own. True beauty and happiness comes from within. One of my favorite movies is Tyler Perry’s Daddy’s Little Girls. Idris Elba was such A MAN in that movie. But Gabrielle Union did not want to give him a chance because he was not the kind man she had envisioned being with. The truth is he was BETTER. Women will miss good men holding men to “earthly” standards rather than “godly” standards. As long as a man has a decent paying job (decent varies from person to person) goals and a plan he is working to advance himself, he should be considered a good prospect.
We all have issues and things we could work on. In picking a man sometimes you have to judge based on potential. When Michelle Obama met President Obama, he did not have a nice car and she made more than him. But she looked beyond that and saw a man with a good heart, a vision and potential. She continued to make more than him throughout their marriage as she was an attorney working for a private firm. She left her career to support her husband’s vision. It wasn’t until the presidential campaign when Obama’s book became a best seller that he topped her earning wise.
Congratulations to Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter. Beyonce is an undisputable universal symbol of success and makes more than her husband. But I am sure she doesn’t throw that in his face. They are a team. That’s what she talks about in her song “Upgrade You” She says, ” I will still play my part and let you take the lead role.” She is basically throughout the song talking about what all she can do to make her man better and you better believe Jay Z lets her.
Just because we make more money or are more educated does not mean we should flaunt it, brag and boast. It actually doesn’t mean you are better than anyone either. It is what it is. What an empty person you are if you believe it is your money and education that validates you. Money, education and assets are positive things but should only be an extension of you. Material things come and go. Those are two good examples of independent women who still know how to support, help and submit to a man. They built up their now husbands who publicly acknowledge their wives as an instrumental part of their success.
When I say potential, I do not mean disregard warning signs. I call them “surface issues”. A surface issue would be a person doesn’t have a car period; no job; 33 years of age and lives with parents; 3 baby mamas/baby daddies. I think you should have to get to know a person to know what ails them and know their shortcomings. It shouldn’t be anything that JUMPS out at you. Obama and Jay-Z already had potential. Obama was an educated community organizer preparing for law school. Jay-Z was in the mid stage of his successful rap career. I did not say take a man that just got out of jail and doesn’t have anything, build him up with the hopes that he will change.
Another important attribute of a good man is maturity. He knows the Lord. He knows who he is and who he is not. A man must be a lover and protector of women. I cannot take anybody (male or female) serious who likes Rocko’s song Going Steady. The rapper says “I ain’t gone call you or take you out just call me when you want to play. We just be kicking it”. What woman who is being honest with herself would gain any satisfaction from that? I tell you sometimes I am ashamed our music and I am twenty five.
Men and women today have an identity crisis. Women you are not supposed to pay for a date. He is supposed to pick you up. Men are not supposed to be doing hair and/or wearing dresses. If a man doesn’t know how to change oil, fix brakes, change tires (the basics) then he sure better be able to take it to the shop and PAY for it. You have to know your worth and demand respect. The reason men have failed us (in addition to socially constructed plots. but that’s another subject) is because we let them. Fantasia (one of my favorite singers) has a song called Man of the House. Some of the lyrics are as follows. (And I am making this grammatically correct.)
“If we don’t have it, I go get it and if it’s broken then I fix it. Are you going to be the man? Then be the man because if you can’t then I can. Which one of us will be the man of the house?” To that I say “NO, NO another loud and resounding NO”. If I don’t have it and I have to go get it, then why are you here? Women write in to the Steve Harvey show all the time saying dumb stuff like. “He doesn’t have a job and he stays at home with his mama, but the sex is good.” I am really dumbfounded because I don’t understand HOW you know the sex is good if he doesn’t have a job. I wouldn’t know HOW it was. I wouldn’t be able to tell you about it.
So I do encourage women to be independent (meaning able to take care of yourself) but also to know when and be willing to yield to the support of a man. For that is HIS job. God created us (women) to help and support men so that they will have the strength to go out and work; and in turn support us.
I mean I guess it’s cool for Ne-Yo and Jaime Foxx to say that I am sexy because I want a man but don’t need a man. But I would rather hear TI say (and I am making this grammatically correct) ” I want and need you. As long as you have me you won’t need anyone else. You want it I have. Go get it, I will buy it. You can have whatever you like.” Yes I would rather hear that any day.
I am independent and I take care of myself. But please believe I am fielding applications for the man to take me off the clock. I could put some of my energy that I put into work and school and make him better for the both us.