Each summer my nephew comes to spend the summer at my house. This situation should be ideal since he is the same age as my son. Unfortunately, that is where the similarities end. My sister-in-law has a completely different parenting style, and my nephew has an entirely different definition of fun.
Knowing where to draw the line can be tricky. I want to be a cool aunt, but do not want to undermine my sister-in-law or frustrate my children. After several years of this set up, and being the aunt to at last count 19 kids ranging in age from one to 27, I have found a few things stand true.
Never undermine the authority of their parents. One sister-in-law will not allow her children to drink pop of any kind, for any reason. While I do not regularly give soda pop to my kids, I am also not extremely strict over that matter. If I were to start slipping cans of soda to my nieces when they are over, that would not only serve to damage our relationship in the long run. Forbidden beverages is only one example, but it shows that I respect their parents decisions and will not give them “an out” when they are with me.
It is perfectly okay to briefly explain a different point of view at times, but without the implication that their parents are lame. That attitude tends to come naturally and needs no help from even the coolest aunt on the planet.
Simple is fine. You do not have to plan elaborate events every time you have your nieces and nephews. Avoid trying to buy their love and affection with bigger and better stuff. Just having another place to feel safe and loved is enough. Taking a few hours more often, is better than a once a year blow out bash. Go out for an ice cream cone, be available to talk or stop over if they live close. Let yourself become part of their life.
Fill your calendar. Ask for their sporting calendars, concert show times and any other important event in your niece of nephews life.Even if you cannot make the majority of the scheduled activities, having the information on your calendar makes it possible.
Keep promises. To this day my oldest son is upset over a camping trip that never happened. If you are making plans, be sure to follow through. Sadly, I am guilty of this step too. In my defense I am a big dreamer and was just considering the possibilities out loud, but my nephew considered it a plan, set in stone. We have since made up and created an alternate plan, but I still feel bad for the misunderstanding. Try not to make promises of any kind that you cannot uphold.
Overall, the key to being a cool aunt, is to be yourself. I know that is terribly cliche’ but it is the truth. Let kids get to know the real you and in turn, you can be a real part of their lives.
More by Sylvie Branch:
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