COMMENTARY | Fans and viewers of Stephen Colbert’s nightly comedy show, “The Colbert Robert,” were delighted last week when the ironic political persona announced he was launching an “exploratory committee,” with sights set on running for the U.S. presidency. As Yahoo! News reports, Colbert may attempt, with only one week left until primary time, to secure a spot on South Carolina’s GOP ballot. What will this do to affect the current five-man race presently led by Mitt Romney? Politically speaking, virtually nothing. But for fans of comedy, Colbert is apart of a whole new competition; one to see which satirical candidate will prove the most … satirical … in this upcoming election. In this contest, Colbert is pitted against Democratic pony-activist Vermin Supreme.
I should say, though, not to misrepresent Mr. Supreme’s nuanced and progressive view on ponies, that he is not so much a pony activist as he is an optimistic economist. In his view, gifting ponies to all Americans will stimulate the economy through some theoretical cause and effect neither he nor I wish to analyze too deeply. That’s because he’s hilarious and making a farce out of the process that often makes a farce out of itself just fine, thank you very much. But with the well-funded Colbert joining the race, will the comedic spotlight be necessarily shared? Yes.
Below are listed the key positions of both candidates you need to know before making an informed decision come election day:
1 – Vermin Supreme is an organ donor. At least that’s what he claims on his website. As with any other campaign claim, I’m inclined to believe it. Colbert, on the other hand, has no public record of organ donation.
2 – Colbert’s Super PAC, then named “Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow,” endorsed Republican candidate Rick Perry last summer, inexplicably misspelling his last name as “Parry,” confusing Iowans and causing an overall ruckus. If elected, will Colbert select the former Texas governor as his running mate and, if so, what does that mean for the Department of Education?
3 – Supreme supports a “Dental Hygiene Law,” which would obligate American citizens to take care of their pearly whites. Authoritarian? Maybe … actually, definitely … If it’s any consolation, though, he promises (with alarming frequency,) that flying monkey tooth fairies will not be used to enforce mandatory brushing legislation. The Vermin does protest too much.
4 – Stephen Colbert operated last year’s “March to Keep Fear Alive,” at which fear was very much kept alive. While Supreme has never coordinated such an event, he does wear a boot atop his head, which, by the definition of most, is adequately scary.
In conclusion, both men bring an offbeat perspective to the table and add a dose of extra, intentional hilarity to the process. For the political purist, this may be nauseating. To the comedy enthusiast, it is certainly enthralling. But which satire candidate is the best? That’s something the voters (and bloggers) will just have to decide themselves.