There are many stereotypes embedded in the cultural psyche regarding different kinds of mothers; among (many) others is the hippy mom with the biodegradable diapers and patchouli oil, the cool mom whose kids always seem to have the latest & greatest, the type-A mom whose children have no life outside of their academia, and the “still-wishes-she-was-the-kid” mom who borrows clothes from her teenage daughter and seems oblivious to said daughter’s humiliation. The list is extensive, riddled with blanket statements and personal stories about encounters with women who only feed the fires by falling neatly into the categories that we’ve set up for them, either in reality or in our own minds.
One of the most well-known of these groups (made popular by lovely little shows like Real Housewives) is one that I personally simply refer to as “THAT mom”. My husband and friends all know who she is and smile indulgently when I express my horror at the thought of turning in to her. They assure me that it will never happen and help me talk myself back from the ledge, which I have stepped on to usually after a weekday mid-morning trip to the gym or a Tuesday 1PM stop at Jamba Juice. Who is this greatest paragon of evil? You know her. She is the “Nothing Better To Do” mom. She is the yoga class going, Lucy shopping, Mom’s & Margaritas group attending, highlights and manicures maintaining “Nothing Better To Do” mom.
Now, I have known my share of these women; as a former nanny in a very affluent area I met many of these mothers whose primary goal seemed to be looking as good as possible while interacting with her children for the smallest amount of time necessary. It seemed as if some only had their babies to check it off of a “Things Successful Women Do” checklist that they kept in their bedazzled back pocket. There were, of course, wonderful, caring, sincere mothers who simply happened to be wealthy and thereby could afford designer gym clothes and Bugaboo strollers. I worked for one of them and admired her tremendously! There were also, however, those moms who didn’t work but still had a nanny for their one or two children so that they could go on shopping sprees at Nordstrom whenever they wanted & not have to deal with the pesky task of taking their tots to the park or making their meals.
I am nowhere near wealthy enough to be a legit NBTD mom, but I think that the true source of my trepidation about becoming one of these ladies all boils down to priorities. It’s really not about the $25,000 per year private preschools or even the Gucci diaper bags (which, I’m sorry, I still cannot understand)- it’s about where your kids fall on your “to-do” list. Don’t get me wrong; I am not raising my son to think that he is the center of the universe, but I do want him to understand and believe that I love him dearly and would readily sacrifice myself for his well-being (if not his whims). The danger of the NBTD mom is the children thinking that they come second to everything as opposed to second-to-none.That said, I suppose you could have NBTD moms in any financial bracket, because in the end it isn’t so much about the loot as it is about the love.