I am a perfectionist.
As any perfectionist, I put such overwhelming pressure on myself to always be succeeding and doing that I often am tired, stressed, and filled with fear and anxiety.
I continually push myself to achieve something.
I push so much, I begin to hate everything.
I start to try to control everything because I feel so out of control.
The truth is that I really don’t want to achieve anything.
I just want to be. To be here right now in this moment.
I don’t want to push myself toward something I should be doing if it’s not what I really want to be doing.
It’s making me stressed!
This is not to say I do not have goals or desires; things that I will be working toward in the future.
I am so afraid of letting go.
But I have been trying to do so a lot more lately.
I am still struggling with allowing myself to let go of my feelings regarding being too fat and/or eating too much.
And sometimes have overwhelming OCD and anxiety.
But what is anxiety really?
I am starting to think that the reason why I have anxiety attacks and OCD is because of my fear of letting go; of just being here in the present moment; of just letting things be and letting things take care of themselves.
I always need to be in such control!
As I have been trying to let go, I’ve gone back and forth between being completely here in the present moment and constantly thinking about the future.
I have noted that when I am just here right now, I am at peace. I am calm. I feel neither good or bad. I just am.
When I am not able to stay in the present moment, I note an incessant worrying, overwhelming fears and anxieties of not being able to achieve things I think I should be achieving.
But our lives are not the future nor the past.
Our lives are right here, right now.
We cannot constantly be looking toward the future and never let go enough to be in the now.
We all deserve to be happy right now. To feel joy right now. To feel peace right now. To be calm right now!
And who knows when our physical forms will cease to exist?
It is better to trust in the now, do what truly makes us happy, take chances, than to always be worried about the future.
Do not be afraid to live in the now.
Do not be afraid to let go.
You are safe and taken care of every step of the way.
So don’t be afraid!!
Living, loving, and growing from MyEmoHeart