The question of just what “love is” seems to pervade our culture. Remember the silly claim from “Love Story” years ago, that “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”? I heard that even those involved in making the movie cringed at that line!
But recently my Facebook page has been bombarded by people copying and pasting what Ann Landers had to say about love: “Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses .” – Ann Landers
I thought it would be interesting to compare what Ann said with what the apostle Paul wrote (through divine inspiration) in the first letter he wrote to the church in Corinth way back in the first century.
The Love is….Chapter
The famous ‘love’ chapter of the Bible, 1Corinthians 13 is copied entirely below. Paul starts out describing the general surpassing greatness of love over all other things (remember that the book James wrote tells us that ‘God is love’!). And his final paragraphs remind us that love will not only complete its good work, but will indeed last forever. It is the middle emboldened section, verses 4-7, that are best compared to Ann Lander’s newly remembered description of just what love ‘is’.
1 Corinthians 13
1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love
(copied from Biblegateway.com)
According to Ann Landers Love is……
Leaving aside some of the flowery metaphor, Ann says that,
LOVE IS six things:
Friendship
Understanding
Confidence
Sharing
Forgiving
Loyalty
And that LOVE DOES two things:
Settles for less than perfection
Allows for human weakness
I should think that Ms. Landers was not setting out to make a complete analysis of love when she wrote this. It was probably a quick response to someone who wrote in to her column. On the surface it seems to me that these are decent ideas about what love is; at least a minimal expectation one might have when entering into a close relationship.
According to Paul, Love is…….
Now let’s look at what God expects, or would empower us to enjoy, if we adopt His way of love. This passage, considering its emotional subject, is written in somewhat of a poetic manner, but for this discussion I will try to break down the description to its barest parts.
There are two things that LOVE IS:
Patient
Kind
Three things that LOVE IS NOT:
Proud
Self-seeking
Easily Angered
Five things that LOVE DOES NOT DO:
Envy
Boast
Dishonor others
Remember wrongs
Delight in evil
And five things that LOVE DOES DO (the last four are qualified by ALWAYS):
Rejoices with the truth
Protects
Trusts
Hopes
Perseveres
When I look at these simple lists, a couple of things stand out. Ann’s list of the basic elements of love actually seem somewhat superficial. Love is extreme friendship (friendship caught fire)? But then you must define friendship (and describe how its burning is in the good sense). This deeper description is what Paul offers.
Before love can blossom two people can not even be friends unless patience and kindness are in evidence. Can two people have understanding or confidence in each other without them both putting aside things like their own pride, self-seeking interests and quickness to anger? Can they exercise sharing, forgiveness or loyalty if either party is being envious or boastful? If one is dishonoring others, listing wrongs, or delighting in evil, should the other be expected to settle for this less than perfect state? Or simply allow for such human weakness?
True committed love does not run to protect itself, nor simply tolerate, but acts to save. Love always perseveres, hopes, and trusts, that its power will save and protect the other, rejoicing as each step of truth is reached.
Like any of us, Ann Landers could recognize a certain amount of the truth we encounter. She could grasp some but reach only so far in describing it to her readers. The parts she accurately described were already long recorded and more deeply laid out in God’s word.
With her description, we may ‘know in part’. With a good look at God’s description of what love is, we ‘shall know fully’.