“I Don’t Know How She Does It” is the latest attempt by Hollywood producers to turn Sarah Jessica Parker into that rarest of all Hollywood creatures: the sexy, funny, beautiful leading lady. Doubtlessly without realizing it, Hollywood execs want to turn Sarah Jessica Parker into a 21st century Eve Arden. Sarah Jessica Parker’s transition from a TV show in which mostly women bought into the idea that she was sexy and beautiful into a movie star requiring males to lay down money to buy the same bill of goods hasn’t gone swimmingly. The problem, clearly, isn’t that Sarah Jessica Parker can’t be funny.
Ed Wood
The story behind the man considered the worst film director of all time before Michael Bay came along is a showcase for Johnny Depp to give his best performance of all time. Sarah Jessica Parker plays the first girlfriend of “Ed Wood.” According to the real Dolores Fuller, the character that Parker played, the actress never bothered to contact her for any kind of background information or research. Parker then insulted Fuller the first time they met by saying how proud she was to be playing the worst actress in history. She does handle herself competently in this film, perhaps because she’s not spending so much time trying to convince audiences that she’s hot.
L.A. Story
The closest that Sarah Jessica Parker has ever come to actually being hot is as Steve Martin’s young girlfriend in “L.A. Story.” She spends most of the movie stretching her body into suggestive poses while wearing tight exercise togs and the real definition of hotness applied here is mainly of the type that compares her to the geeky girl you remember from “Square Pegs.” Parker does lend “L.A. Story” a sense of bubbly fun at odds with the intense self absorption of all the other characters.
The Family Stone
One of the first movies taking advantage of “Sex and the City” to elevate Sarah Jessica Parker to starring status. The difference here is that “The Family Stone” is very much an ensemble rather than a Parker movie. Parker purposely sought out a role that contrasted with the TV role that made her a star and as a result, her gloomy demeanor is overshadowed by Rachel McAdams biting sense of humor. Nonetheless, “The Family Stone” is one of Sarah Jessica Parker’s better movie performances, though certainly not her funniest.
Hocus Pocus
“Hocus Pocus” should be required viewing for both Parker and anyone trying to cast her in a comedy. This is the one movie where Sarah Jessica Parker really shines. Considering she’s up against comic heavyweights in Bette Midler and Kathy Najimy, it must be considered some kind of achievement to come out of a film that is a bit of a mess as the funniest thing about it. That cast is another thing for producers to keep in mind when they want Parker to play the prettiest character. What may be keeping Sarah Jessica Parker from success as a sexy, beautiful, funny leading lady isn’t really her lack of beauty. Beauty is relative, after all. Correct casting can easily solve the problem of her lack of great beauty. No, the problem may really be that filmmakers keep wanting to make her sexy, funny, beautiful…and smart. “Hocus Pocus” proves that Sarah Jessica Parker’s greatest comedic talent is in playing women who aren’t so very bright. Instead of being this century’s Eve Arden, maybe Parker has a shot at being this century’s Judy Holliday.
For more articles by Timothy Sexton, check out:
Dolores Fuller, Muse of Ed Wood and Elvis Presley
The Amazing Criswell
Where are They Now: Merritt Buttrick of Square Pegs