In Cleveland Heights, Ohio, an 8-year-old child was taken from his mother’s home and placed in foster care. Why? He weighs over 200 pounds. Mom is being charged with medical neglect, for not making him diet. Despite having access to more community support networks than his mother, the foster family isn’t finding it so easy to get his weight down either.
Obesity isn’t a simple matter, as they are finding. It’s not just nutrition and exercise that determine a child’s weight. Some kids can live on junk food and never gain weight. Other children, no matter how well they are fed, will go through a pudgy stage. Genetic makeup, breastfed or bottle, family poverty, intellectual stimulation, puberty, depression and emotional issues, thyroid problems, Prader-Willi Syndrome all these factors and more can affect a child’s weight. If I was a parent, these are the steps I would take to care for this obese child.
* Keep him with his family. Unless there are other abuse or neglect issues, a child should not be taken from his mother because he is overweight. That most surely will add emotional problems and may escalate binge and depression eating. Eating is also about control. A child taken from his family will doubtless feel very controlled and powerless. If he is a reactionary eater (who eats to feel safe or in control) this is the worst thing that could happen.
* Encourage and support vs. criticize and harass. Bullying issues are big news right now. I would imagine this child feels very bullied and not by other kids. Adults are bullying him in the name of their agenda. What this little boy needs is love, empowerment and nurturing. He may lose weight with puberty. He may not. Either way, it won’t help to make him more emotionally vulnerable.
* Nix the guilt trips. Officials at Child Protective Services are supposed to be experts on kids. They don’t seem to realize that children who are removed from their home instinctively feel guilt, shame and a need to protect their parents. If children in abusive homes feel protective of their parents, how much more so must this little child feel for his mother, whose only crime was not to prevent him from getting fat?
* Tell him how wonderful he is. This boy is an honor student at his elementary school. Even it he wasn’t he’s a human being with skills, talents, hopes and dreams. I’m guessing that through no fault of his own, he’s not feeling very good about himself. I suspect he believes that it is his fault that he was taken from his family and that he has failed them. I would assure him that he is loved and has done nothing wrong, save to fall foul of adults who ought to know better. (I would also sneak in a contraband visit or phone call from his family.)
If this child doesn’t have a genetic weight predisposition or extenuating health issues, and if he gets a moderate amount of exercise and reasonably good nutrition, he may likely lose some weight at puberty. I’ve known countless children who left school in June fat, only to return skinny in the fall. They didn’t do anything magic; it’s called development. Even if he remains obese throughout his life, should we vilify him? Dorian Gray was thin and beautiful on the outside; inside he was full of corruption and evil. It’s time we think more about how we treat people and less about what number their scale says.