Our young family’s personal finances were abruptly turned upside down when my husband decided that marriage and family life weren’t for him. Our sons (then 6, 4, and 2) and I were faced with the need to start over on a drastically reduced income. These circumstances required us to move from our home and make major cuts to our personal finances in order to begin a new life.
The first and most important decision that I made was to move closer to my parents and to the community where I’d grown up, in San Diego, California. Although I wanted to maintain a sense of independence, I found by having friends and family close-by, we weren’t isolated. With a support system in place, I was better prepared to make the transition from married life to single parenting within a ready-made community.
Once I’d decided to make this move, I started scanning the internet for low-cost rentals close to my parents’ home. In addition to location, I was looking for an apartment that was secure, close to a grocery store, schools, a library, and a playground. We were very fortunate and found a two-bedroom townhouse with all the features that I was looking for. Because we were forced to move from our home, it seemed important to retain as homelike an atmosphere in our new apartment as possible.
The boys’ father and I had divided up our belongings. I kept the dining room table, chairs, dishes, and living room furniture. I immediately covered the blinds with curtains, placed framed pictures on the walls, set out familiar knick-knacks, and covered the boys’ beds with their bedspreads and stuffed toys. While the children were well aware that our lives had changed, I wanted them to know that we were still a family. This new view of home and community seemed central to their sense of security.
While we had the opportunity to live near family and friends and were able to quickly create a community within a larger metropolitan area, I believe that it’s possible for almost anyone to form a new ‘community’.
At the time, my father had told me that ‘it’s always darkest before the dawn’. Words of encouragement and the love of family and friends speak volumes when we’re forced to start again. Begin with the basics and grow from there; a new beginning is just around the corner!