Imagine the shock of a child that comes home from their moms to visit their dad and finds that he has remarried while they were at their moms. They had never met this new woman and she was just suddenly there and in the position of step mother. Expected adoration and obedience were the last thing this child would have on her mind.
This shocking event happened to a friend of mine in high school. Since she only saw her dad every other weekend, it didn’t seem important to him to let her know that he was going to remarry. My friend was stunned and totally unprepared. It had always just been her and her dad whenever she had visited. It turned out he had had this girlfriend for years and not shared any of the information with his shocked daughter.
Life Changing Events
Children deserve to be prepared for major life changing events in their lives. If mom or dad is about to remarry, children have the right to have already met that new person. After all, that person will become their new step parent.
It is important to sit down with a child and explain that dad or mom is dating again after having been divorced. Make sure to emphasize with the child that they are not less important, but that it is time for dad or mom to move forward with their life.
Remarriage
If the parent is planning to remarry, they should make every effort to prepare the child for this event. Help the child through the transition by making time for the child and the new parent to be to spend some time together, both together with the biological parent and separate with the new parent to be. Allowing the child to get to know the new person better will greatly help in easing the transition for the child.
Develop The Relationship
Just as the biological parent took time to develop a relationship with the new person, the child also needs time to develop this relationship.
Communication
Sitting down with the child and discussing what is going on is important. Communicating what is going on will help the child to adjust and not feel threatened. Keeping the child’s life as normal as possible during this transitional phase will go far in helping to develop the relationship with the new step parent.
Make a Plan
Make sure to sit down with the new spouse to be and go over how you want to deal with details such as discipline, responsibility and so on, with each other’s children. Then, after you decide this as a couple, sit down with the children to prepare them and go over expectations and goals together as a family.
Keeping children in this loop of communication will ease the transition for all involved and help to make this a happy marriage that weathers the change of time.