Donut Movie Review: ‘Thor’ (2011) (PG-13)

Sometimes it takes me far too long to review a movie I see in the theater, which is my primary goal, though I slow down on occasion. (My secondary goal is to review every movie I see (which usually grows to impossible levels).) This is one of five movies seen in theaters that I have failed to rate in a timely manner this year. Usually it ends up being one or two movies. This year I have some catching up to do.

Some might say that waiting five months to review a movie might make things difficult. A certain freshness is gone. Certain details have escaped. An ambiguous intro might seem to delay the beginning of the review. To all of these things I agree wholeheartedly. Thus, if it takes me a bit too long, I will wait until I have an opportunity to re-watch it to fill in the details. I recently had the opportunity to re-watch “Thor”, and now I remember all of the details of the movie that had become slightly murky. I was lucky enough to talk with its star, Arnold Schwarzenegger:

Arnold: I AM DOwing FINE! THANKKKKKKS!

Dave: …Right. So, what was it like to play a god?

Arnold: I LEEft WAYYYTs and have EXsoLENT MUSSELS!

Dave: I feel like you’ve told me this before. Hmm…details, details, details. So, this is the first time you’ve worked with Christopher Nolan, who, if I remember correctly, directed this movie.

Arnold: WHHHARE AM I? WUTTT ARE YEWWW TALking ABOWoot.

Dave: Sigh. As usual…I’m the problem, right? Talk about your fight scene with Jet Li.

Arnold: YUUUUU AREHH MAKING NO SeNSSSSE.

Dave: #@$# You!

Arnold: THANK YUUUU Foooor YErah TIEMmme.

“Thor” was another successful comic book adaptation. I really have been pleased with the vast majority of all comic book adaptations (I am still bummed about how “Punisher: War Zone” did…what a great movie.). In many ways the movie turned out to be exactly what I wanted to see. It had a tremendous visual spectacle of Asgard and the frost giant’s homeworld. Entirely CGI (it had to be) but tastefully and cleverly used as to not destroy the illusion. The main characters really looked the part, especially Thor and Loki. Having Anthony Hopkins play Odin was a nice touch. The action sequences were well done, climaxing nicely with a battle with a savage Asgard-ian metal robot (that reminded me of Gort from “The Day the Earth Stood Still”) on Earth and a nicely done final battle in Asgard..

Much like classic literature this movie shows the dark qualities of betrayal and arrogance against the light qualities of humility and higher morals. These two opposing viewpoints clash nicely throughout.

All this being said, I did rate the movie Thor out of five donuts. HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA! Maybe that’s why I did it!!! But seriously, there sometimes is not a great reason why one movie entertains me more than another. I could theorize that there were far too pro-longed absences of action for a comic book movie. I could possibly suggest that Thor’s learning trip to Earth, though comical, ended up with personal growth that came too fast. I can also understand the dilemma that the two previous statements contradict each other and make for a difficult “impossible to please everyone scenario”. And…well…that’s not really my problem. It is the moviemakers problem to make me enjoy a movie perfectly from every angle. I did enjoy it. BUT IT WASN’T PERFECT! Get back to work you filthy moviemakers. Dance for me. You are but clowns to amuse me…

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