Yahoo! is asking Americans how September 11 changed them. Below is an account from a reader.
Bravery is defined as “the ability to stand up for what is right in difficult situations.” The first story I wrote about 9/11 had hoped for world peace. I always will hope for world peace. This is the reason for the following story, to characterize a different kind of bravery and serving my time in the military, as well as a different kind of aggressor and how 9/11 has softened my heart. Not for terrorism, but for another unseen enemy.
[Your story: How has September 11 changed you?]
I served as a Marine for a brief period, 1971-1972. I loved the USMC! What a way to serve my country! I was wounded, though, not in the traditional sense. I have scars, but not in the traditional sense. I have felt pain, sorrow and rejection, and the loss of a loved one. Vietnam did not pain me. I did not even serve in Vietnam. Something else tormented me.
A detailed psychological analysis has been written by Amy Street PhD and Jane Stafford PhD on “What Is Military Sexual Trauma,” is explained here.
I had not even known the love of a woman. I have been furious ever since, but I stayed quiet. Anguished severely by guilt, shame, disgrace, and carrying the stigmata of not knowing who to trust. Though now suffering from PTSD, Personal Trauma, I have discovered in order to be brave, sometimes one must tell the truth. To understand more of what PTSD from MST is about see here.
Every single moment I remember the horrific tragedy of 9/11 my soul weeps for those lost. To me, the bravery those blessed souls faced, as well as loved ones surviving, is unfathomable. And to all the brave service members who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, I salute in my heart every day since their deployment.
Yes, I am ashamed; of my service time, why must I feel this way? For being assaulted by a superior, also, not in the traditional sense, but an assault is an act of aggression.
Should I attempt to compare 9/11 victims and families to my own assault? No! I was just as shocked and furious over the attacks. God, I was furious! I could not go back in to serve. I could not help anyone in New York. I could not even help myself. I did face an enemy though, for 40 years stalking me, not your typical terrorist or war-time enemy; rather, a silent killer, one who strikes in the darkest depths of your soul — someone who beats you till you die — the enemy of our own human nature.
Now, all I do is simply pray for peace! I continue to allow love to be my final word; and, forgiveness to be my final truth. God I pray for peace!