What If emerged out of nowhere. I was standing in front of the refrigerator putting my groceries away when I heard his evil whisper.
“Oh No”, not this time I thought to myself. I stood up tall and strengthened my shoulders.
Slowly and firm I looked him in the eyes and told him, “You have no relevance. You are What If. You won’t hurt me this time around. Get out of my kitchen” while clinching my fists pressing the sharp edges of my fingernail deep in my skin.
Then I heard What If’s evil and dark laugh. “That is what you said last time”; he sneered by taunting me with a push to my right shoulder.
I dodged it, still convinced that this time I am going to win. Then I pushed them almost down the stairs and out of the door. But he was quick back on their feet, raced up the stairs and hit me hard on my chest. I barely could breath.
Determined that I won’t give up easy this time around I slapped his face right and left. And I repeated it over and over again until my arms weakened. He laughed louder and louder with every slap. “You got to do better then that”, he said. “This didn’t work so well last time.”
Then he hit me hard in my face. My lips began to bleed. “This is how it is done.” And he hit me again. I tried to respond but I was already exhausted from the blow to my face and my earlier attempts.
At this time I pleaded with What If to just leave me alone and never come back. I screamed: “Please just leave me alone. Find another victim. I was wrong. You have relevance.”
He whispered. “I know. Let’s see how much relevance I really have.” He grabbed my upper body and slammed it on the floor. My muscles ached and I worried for my life. As I lay on the floor, I tried not to give it away. But he knew when he looked in my eyes. My pupils were widened with fear of What If is going to do to me.
Slowly he stepped on my throat. I struggled for air. What If was totally in control even over my own breathing. I desperately called on God for What If to leave me alone and the power to overcome him. But Nothing! I was still stricken by fear for What If and his possibly action.
Finally he lowered the pressure on my throat and hunkered over me hissing that he would be back. Then he disappeared in thin air.
Beaten, drained and ashamed I laid there for a while.
Then I blinked and looked around. I wasn’t really lying on the floor. I was still at the refrigerator putting groceries away listening to the sounds of the TV and the kids in the background.
Was the fight with What If imaginary? Has What If really no relevance? It seems that What If doesn’t even exists.
Wearied I left the grocery bags on the kitchen floor, closed the refrigerator, crawled down the stairs and slumped in my bed.
I was spent and simply too worn out from my imaginary battle with What IF to deal with the real What Now’s.
Everything just has to be done later…