When His Family Divorces You Too

So, when I was married, one of the perks I enjoyed was being an aunt. Thanks to my then husband, I had six nieces and a nephew. I was closer to some than others, but individual relationships notwithstanding, I loved them all dearly. I still do. I think about them all the time, just as I would have had they been offspring of my own siblings. I changed their diapers, took them swimming, helped them with homework, cried with them, laughed with them, braided their hair, gave them their first drink of wine, listened to their boy/girl drama and sat around campfires with them. I agonized over Christmas gifts. I drove an hour to attend birthday dinners. I went to confirmations, graduations, First Communions, soccer games, basketball games, recitals. I watched as their parents fought and split up. I listened sympathetically as the girls gained weight and got pimples. Hell, my nephew lived with me during his college internship.

I was their aunt, for less than a decade. We were family.

Now, we’re not.

Stupidly, when my husband ended our marriage, I refused to believe this byproduct would come to pass. I reminded myself that I held those kids dear to my heart and they would see through the ugliness of divorce and always regard me as their loving aunt. But when Niece Number One un-friended me on Facebook, I swiftly realized the truth of my sad situation. I wasn’t her aunt. I just happened to be married to her uncle. This girl, whose secrets I kept, whose hair I coiffed for her first formal dance, whose tearful shopping trips to Lane Bryant I chaperoned. This girl, who, if she only knew the real circumstances surrounding my divorce, rather than the bullshit line she’s no doubt been fed, would not only retain me as a Facebook friend, but most likely offer me unyielding real-life friendship as well. And also, a hug.

Soon after I was quietly chopped from her friend list, I noticed her younger sister did the same thing. Then came another niece with her eliminating mouse click. Because they are still teens and young adults, I know they don’t grasp how insulting this is to someone who opened her heart fully to them and thought of them as nothing less than “real” nieces, versus just nieces by marriage. It’s painful when I’ve done nothing wrong but get to endure the exponential punishment of divorce, that is, not only did my husband dump me, but now his family is unceremoniously doing so as well.

Side note: he’s a jackass who I would not take back if he handed me a check for a billion dollars. This lament has nothing to do with him and everything to do with the collateral damage his selfishness fostered. Side note No. 2: I recognize that measuring love and connectedness via social media is a bit shallow and shortsighted, but these are 15-22 year olds we’re talking about. I think it’s a valid summation of their feelings for me.


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