I write this as a consolation (and a mighty big one it is) to all those of you who were outdoors doing non-stop jumping jacks in a frigid, pelting rainstorm between the hours of 8:30 and 9:00 this past Sunday night. When you finally finished with your jump-a-thon, a notion may have worked its way into your consciousness.
“Damn,” you might have thought, “instead of this misery I just put myself through, I could have been watching Fox’s show, ‘Allen Gregory,’ like that smart guy, Tom Lane.”
Okay, it is understandable enough that you may think such a thing, and it would seem to have a superficial logic, but the thought needs to be corrected on two counts. First, the implication that Tom Lane had the better time is entirely wrong. You, Jumping Jack Splash, had the far better time over that portion of the night. Second, Tom Lane is not a smart guy; he is an idiot. Why? Because, he actually watched “Allen Gregory.”
Now, hold on, there, Mr. Tom, do you mean to imply “Allen Gregory” was a disappointment? Oh, goodness, no, I mean no such thing. The 2010 elections were a disappointment. “Allen Gregory” was an outright horripilation. Lordy, sweet Jesus, I cannot remember when I have seen such an unbelievably bad show. What, you mean it sucked? To paraphrase the brilliant playwright, A.R. Gurney, it sucked out loud!
To begin on a fairly innocuous note, “Allen Gregory” is an animated feature. That actually makes sense, considering the deserved bad luck Fox has had with the live shows it has recently put into its Sunday night lineup. Still, animating a show does not automatically imbue it with quality. Like any other TV offering, an animated show still has to deliver the goods.
The title character, Allen Gregory (actually Allen Gregory DeLongpre), voiced by the show’s co-creator, Jonah Hill, is supposed to be a precocious seven-year-old. They would have us believe that by giving the character an adult voice and a lot of snide, anti-social drivel an adult, rather than a child, might say if he had no social skills whatsoever. Yes, I know, that last bit can be very funny if it is done right, as in the case of Sheldon Cooper from “The Big Bang Theory,” but this kid is no Sheldon.
Anyway, to continue with the lame premise of the show, young Allen is being raised by two gay parents, the dominant one of whom, it turns out, is voiced by French Stewart. What a sad, sad thing that was to hear!
If there is one character in this show who is more despicable than Allen (and I don’t mean despicable in a good way, like Boris Badenov), it is his father, Richard DeLongpre. This character is just plain disgusting. Note that this is not meant to reflect negatively on gays or gay parents. Cam and Mitchell from “Modern Family” are talented and hilarious, week after week.
In its day, the comedy “3rd Rock from the Sun” was one of the funniest shows on television. And out of that very talented cast, which included the likes of John Lithgow and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, French Stewart was easily the most comical and talented performer of them all. To see him sell out to this shameless dreck is just pitiful.
Sadly, this father and son are by far the two most dominant characters in the story, so there is no letup from the ugth, from start to finish. Oh, and can I add one last comment? The animation is not necessarily poor, but that is only because it is piss-poor.
I suppose the people at Fox are doing us sort of a favor for the short time this show is going to be on the air. It gives us a half an hour between “The Simpsons” and “Family Guy” to go to the bathroom, get a snack, check email or any other quick errand we need to run before resuming our seat in front of the boob tube.
I realize that last thing was an unfair characterization of television in America today. Not even an authentic boob would get any enjoyment whatsoever from “Allen Gregory.”
Sources
http://www.craveonline.com/tv/reviews/177227-allen-gregory-101-pilot
FOX: Don’t Assume ‘Allen Gregory’ Will Be Canceled, Yet
Wikipedia
“Allen Gregory,” Pilot