Twas the night before deployment and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse.
The BDUs were hung in the closet with care,
leaving no question as to what I should wear.
The dogs were both laying at the foot of the bed
And God only knows what went through their heads.
I clung to the toilet after way too much beer
knowing that Ralph soon would be there.
When out in the driveway there arose such a noise
That I tripped down the stairs nearly crushing my boys.
On to the front door I stumbled and fell
threw the door open and screamed ‘Jay, what the hell!’
The moon on the mountain of beer cans below
gave the luster of diamonds to the Coors Light logo.
And the next thing my wandering eyes did see
was eight of my neighbors have a pee.
They all just smiled and said “what’s up man,
we thought you had left for Afghanistan”.
And then out of nowhere and pitching a fit
my wife appeared yelling “now clean up this shit”.
And while her anger continued to flame
she screamed and she yelled and she called them by name
“Now Bryant, now Scott, now Mark, and Brandon
On Terry, on Brad, on Jarrod and Jason,
From the edge of the street all the way to the wall
Now zip up and pick up and go away all.”
So with big yellow trash bags clutched in their hands
they lurched and they stumbled and picked up the cans.
And I heard one exclaim as he filled up his sack
“we’ll do it again on the day you get back”.