I’m not ashamed to admit that I love horror films. In fact, I’m not ashamed to say that I have a passion in regards to the genre. Now, with Halloween knocking on our doorsteps the traditional trip to the video store (do they still have those?) has gone to the wayside in favor of such services at Netflix or Redbox. But, well, sometimes you don’t want modern horror. And, to be honest, sometimes you just don’t want to pay for it.
Luckily, with modern technology we can have a feast of campy, wonderful, brain numbing horror without ever spending a penny.
1. Memorial Valley Massacre -1988
Oh, how I love this film. It’s undeniably horrible and there’s really no other way to describe it. It is the height of camp. Wonderful, nonsensical camp that only the 1980s could create.
It’s not unlike your typical slasher but it utilizes a wide variety of characters rather than relying exclusively on the hormonally motivated teenager stereotype (don’t worry, they’re still there). There’s not much to the plot. Prior to a Memorial Day opening, several incidents occur at a park that create problems for the management staff and the soon to be guests. However, they still open the park. Shenanigans surely follow.
I won’t give away much of the plot because this film should really be seen to be enjoyed. Again, I warn you that this is camp. This is not a serious film, nor does it attempt to take itself seriously. But, before you avoid it, let me just say this:
There is a scene where a teenage cavemen (that was not a typo) stalks and attacks a teenager on a three wheeler with a makeshift club that obviously spent its first half of existence as a mop handle. Yes, you read that right.
It’s now streaming for free (and legitimately) on youtube.
2. Night of the Demons- 1988
Any fan of the genre has heard of the original version of this film. There was an abomination of a remake a few years ago, but we shall not speak of it. I’d actually rather wipe it from my memory. If I could physically scrape off that section of my brain that still has the dimmest of recollections from it, I would. With steel wool. And quite possibly bleach.
However, the original of this film is a winner. Not only does it feature Linnea Quigley but there are several scenes that every horror fan should see at least once (my view of lipstick never did recover completely).
Superficially it’s the typical haunted house setup with teenagers throwing a Halloween party at an abandoned, off limits mansion, but it goes much deeper. The party goers aren’t being bombarded by regular sheet wearing spookies. No, that would be easy. These are full-fledged, soul sucking demons.
It’s now streaming on Hulu.
3. Big Bad Wolf- 2006
Sometimes you just know something is right by the cover art. Oh, sure, you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but dang, the cover art for this particular cinematic wonder is inspiring.
It’s about a werewolf.
Yep. That’s the general premise. People go into the woods, people don’t come out of the woods. Which leads me to an all important question.
Why do people continue to go into the woods? Is the idea of “roughing it” so enticing that it’s completely okay to disregard what movies have taught us through the years? I admit, most killers don’t wear hockey masks, but there are things in those woods. Scary things. Big scary things.
And there’s a smack-talking werewolf.
Overall, this film was somehow very enjoyable (if you like that sort of thing). It won’t win any awards and I doubt that people will ever speak of it outside of a few diehard horror fanatics. But it is most definitely worth a view.
And heck, on youtube it’s free.
So what have we learned here? Don’t go into the woods, don’t break into abandoned mansions, and also, possibly most importantly, you don’t have to pay for entertainment. At least you don’t if you enjoy a bit of camp with your blood and guts.