I have a confession to make.
I have been struggling as of late with my identity as a writer. I’m sure I can’t yet blame it on a midlife crisis as I’m only 26 years old but it’s some part of my life crisis nonetheless. I have been fighting myself regarding several of the projects that have been directed to me.
Just like every other hard working American, the recession has caused me financial setbacks and I’ve been forced to take a very long, hard look at myself in the mirror. Despite being a writer, I still hate the life moments where I’m forced to be alone with my own thoughts.
But I learned something new. Or rather, I remembered something I lost a long time ago.
I am an artist and I love to write.
Somewhere among the stress of paying the bills, keeping up with my freelance clientele, working a second full-time job, writing a novel and, all the while, trying to spend time with my wife and daughter, I lost the passion. I started to view writing as a chore, as a job.
I realized that nothing in my life needed to change for me to be happy. It was me. I needed to make a change. In my attitude. I am an artist and this is what I do. Stress has a way of trying to take away the things you love. I kept feeling as if certain projects, even fun ones were a waste of time because they weren’t paying quite as much as others.
I dropped my novel because I needed a break. I needed a second to relax and get back to the place where I fell in love with writing – my childhood. I started reading fiction again. Do you know what I found? I missed it. No wonder I hated writing. I had forgotten the way books made me feel. I had forgotten the reason why I had started writing at all – to change lives. I wanted to give people (just like me) who were struggling with life a reason to keep going. I wanted to let them know there was hope around the corner. I wanted to scare them. To inspire them. To make them laugh. To make them cry. I wanted to give them anything to forget what they were going through in their own life.
It was an episode of Glee that brought me to this realization. The episode, Asian F, focused a lot on the art vs. success struggle of Mike Chang, the cliche Asian dancer of the Glee club. He apparently was being rebuked by his father for getting an A- in his Chemistry class (something my parents would throw a party for). His father decided that he was overwhelmed and demanded that he quit the Glee club to focus on his academics and his football so he would one day be accepted into Harvard.
Throughout the episode, he wains back and forth between his own dreams and what his father expects of him. He comes to the conclusion that dancing makes him happy and that he would never quit doing it. He ends up performing a song to audition for the school musical and is afterward congratulated by the casting team. The football coach says that she is impressed with the work he has done to teach her boys how to dance and that she hopes he didn’t waste too much of his time.
His response was so powerful (and needed to be heard…by me) that it nearly brought tears to my eyes. He said:
“It’s what I love to do. It’s never going to be a waste of my time.”
That’s when it hit me. The quote I have always used as my motto had been turned around full-circle and thrown back in my face. “If you’re not passionate about what you do, stop doing it.” I had a big decision to make. Was I still passionate about writing? Was it still, even through the stress and the bullshit, what I wanted to do?
That’s when I decided to sit down and share this experience with all of you. So I guess you know my answer.
The true power of art is this. Art will always tell us who we are. No matter what you do with your life, from writing, drawing and playing a musical instrument to selling insurance, serving food and saving lives…be an artist. Everything is an art if you are passionate about it. Don’t let the stress of life overtake your passion. Don’t let it turn your love into a day job.
I challenge you all to take a homework assignment. Sit down and think about your job. Is it what you really want to be doing? If not, do something about it. Take a step toward the career you truly want. Go back to college, save up for the equipment you need, or just take a leap of faith and do it. If you are doing what you want, take a moment to reflect on why you love it. Stress makes us forget. Take this opportunity to remind yourself that you are passionate about what you do!
Stay creative.
– Paul Scott