No Such Thing as a Debt Ceiling

A husband and wife stood in line at their local Sears store, waiting to order a shiny new Husqvarna. The husband could hardly contain himself. He’d wanted his own chain saw for years and couldn’t believe his wife was willing to use her credit card for it.

Finally it was their turn in line at the service counter. He looked like a little boy, or maybe a horny chimp, hopping from one foot to the other.

The perky and irritatingly energetic clerk said, through a toothy smile, “May I help you?”

“Yes,” said the wife as she pulled a catalogue page out of her purse and handed it to the clerk, “we want to order this Husqvarna model.”

The clerk smiled a little too much and keyed the product code into her computer. “That will be $348.46. Will you be paying cash, check, or credit card?”

The wife handed her a Sears card and she deftly scanned it. “I’m sorry Ma’am; your card is maxed out.” She smiled even more and asked, “Would you like to use a different card?”

The wife retrieved a Visa card while her husband continued fidgeting in a way that made it seem he hadn’t urinated in 6 months.

The clerk went through the routine again, skillfully grinned, and said, “This card is also maxed out.”

The husband stopped behaving like a full-bladdered 4-year-old boy and instead assumed the mannerisms of a 3-year-old boy who, even after minutes of trying, failed to make number 2 in his diaper.

Meanwhile, the wife looked truly concerned as a third credit card was rejected. “I don’t understand,” she whined, “We raised our debt ceiling just last night. There shouldn’t be any problem.”

“I’m sorry,” the clerk said, puzzled at the wife’s explanation. “You raised your debt ceiling? Or do you mean that your credit limit was raised?”

The wife rolled her eyes, something she was very good at. “It’s simple; we had a meeting last night and agreed that our debt ceiling could be higher. You know, we can borrow more money to get this Husqvarna.”

The clerk continued trying to smile, but not quite succeeding, and said, “Oh, you met with someone at your bank? You can use this phone to call them to find out what the — “

The wife interrupted, “No, not like that. My husband and I,” she indicated him with an impatient wave as he pretended, badly, to not care, “had a meeting last night and agreed that we can have a higher debt ceiling. So now we can afford this chain saw.” She looked smug as she imagined how impressed the clerk would be at their cleverness.

The clerk decided that smiling was no longer appropriate. Also, her mouth was getting numb from the strain. “It doesn’t work that way, Ma’am.” She was still trying to remain polite.

“Well, why not?” The wife sputtered. The husband began sniffling.

“Well duh!” The clerk blurted, having given up all pretense of enjoying serving this couple. “The ones with the money get to decide whether you can borrow it or not!”

“That’s not true!” The wife was really worked up by now. “Congress raises their debt ceiling like clockwork! It works for them so it should work for us!”

But the wife knew it was a lost cause so she turned to her husband, who looked lost, and said to him, “Come on. Maybe the tree farm will still let us buy trees so you’ll have something to cut.”

There is no such thing as a debt ceiling if you can raise it yourself. All the political arguing, whining, and maneuvering in the U.S. government over a so-called debt ceiling is bull merde.


People also view

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *