Netflix Review: Gun
There are three things to know that will allow you to immediately understand everything about the movie Gun without ever having seen it.
And here they are:
1. This is a feature length motion picture written by 50 Cent.
2. The lead actor is 50 Cent.
3. In this film, 50 Cent uses firearms.
Now, I don’t plan to end my review there. But understand this: I could. I could end my review right after Bullet (ha) Point 3 up there and you would understand Gun just as well.
But I won’t do that. I love you too much, dear readers. I love you like a crazy stalker, and if I’m going down, I’m taking all of you motherfuckers with me.
So. Gun. It is about, as you may have guessed, a gun. The reason I watched Gun was for precisely that. One hungover Sunday morning, I turned on my Netflix Instant thingy on my Xbox, and after exhausting my queue for something fun to watch, I decided that I needed to watch a movie with guns in it. “About guns” I believe was my phrasing. As I scrolled up to the Action & Adventure section, I notice a film. Second on the list. A film which would definitely meet my strict criteria.
Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson. Val Kilmer. A city, caught in the crossfire. GUN.
This was the picture . Presumably a poster or DVD cover art re-purposed as a Netflix selection box.
In the film, 50 Cent is a gun dealer. Val Kilmer is his criminal friend, and has just been released from prison. The actor from Dexter who plays Harry Morgan in all the creepy flashbacks is the cop tasked with bringing 50 Cent in. To this end, he hires Kilmer as an undercover informant.
Val Kilmer proceeds to get really close to 50 Cent, who needs to be rbought in because he has a special gun. Through the art of montage, we learn that this fantastically unlucky gun has been trading hands for years, with the owner always meeting a grisly end. Okay. So they aren’t saying it, but this is a cursed gun. This is the titular Gun. Got it.
Also helping Harry Morgan is a very old black detective in a fedora who may or may not be a figment of Harry Morgan’s imagination. This guy actually does not interact with any other characters in the film. I’m not even certain he ever speaks. He just kind of… stands in the same room as the lead cop and smiles. I guess sometimes he bags evidence? I don’t even know.
Val Kilmer spends the entire movie looking around nervously and stammering around 50 Cent, who somehow manages to not suspect anything. Mr. Cent even jokingly suggests that Kilmer is an undercover police officer. Kilmer makes a “Oh my God how did you know holy shit oh no” face, and 50 Cent replies by LAUGHING AND SMILING. Unexpectedly (to 50 cent, whose character in this film must be a blind robot) Kilmer betrays him, they shoot one another, and everyone lives. In a movie called Gun, everyone lives. In a movie where the owner of the eponymous Gun has been established as always dying, everyone lives.
FIVE STARS OUT OF FIVE.