I am an atheist. If I somehow magically stumbled upon inarguable evidence that God is real and judgment will indeed come, I would no longer be an atheist. I’d be a bitter, reluctant believer. I’d be a peasant in God’s tyrannical kingdom. He would be my President, but I sure as hell didn’t vote for him. Why would I be so disgruntled if God loves every one of his 6.93 billion children# (as long as they love him back, worship him endlessly, sacrifice fun and freeing activities in his honor, and put up with his half-assed parenting).
God is like a crazy cat lady. He was hanging around in beautiful nothingness until he decided he was bored and needed some creatures to worship him and see him as the only means of gaining food, shelter, love, and attention. God needed to feel important so he created life, happiness, and suffering, all with the sole purpose of putting himself at the center of it all. He created us to give him meaning and put looking after us on the back burner. Or perhaps it just got too out of control for him? Perhaps the population festered out of control and resulted in what looks like cruelty. God’s britches were just too big for him. Just as a crazy cat lady can’t possibly give full care to fifty-three cats, God is unable to properly care for his 6.93 billion children. God became an unfit parent because he was selfish and lacked responsibility. Yet God was still arrogant enough to try to keep his paws around the world with missionaries, preachers, books, and Alcoholics Anonymous, instead of letting the truth be known that he couldn’t handle it. God can’t admit when he’s wrong.
If irrefutable proof was announced by a nasally reporter on BBC World News tomorrow concluding that God is indeed existent, I would have trouble worshipping an asshole. Besides, Hell is where all the fun people would be anyway.
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