In my article Get a Job!?, Lessons in Life and Work, I told about one of my first jobs, where I was required to spend an entire Sunday climbing into filthy trashcans and scrub them from the inside out.
I began to think about how many of today’s fifteen-year-olds would tolerate an assignment like that. Moreover, I wondered if I, now a parent of a teenager, would even expect my child to endure such hardship. That realization shook me to the core. I realized that close to three decades of work had resulted in some nice accomplishment, but that perhaps I had gone soft on teaching my kids exactly what it takes to achieve success and independence.
The lesson goes beyond just giving your kids chores and jobs to do, or setting a good example through hard work. As an accountant, I have heard myriads of hard-working clients tell story after story of their children being ungrateful, unwilling to work or out of touch with what life is all about (i.e. spoiled brats). So what are the keys to building a strong work ethic in your children? Here are a few key principles:
Working is a privilege
Whether your child goes off and finds her own job or works for a relative or a family business, they need to understand that working is a privilege, not an obligation. Many adults don’t even get this subtle distinction. Your child has gifts and abilities that she hasn’t even discovered. The workplace is the ideal place to uncover and develop these gifts. The opportunity to do so puts her ahead of most of the modern world. A privilege many never receive.
It’s about money
Did you have to read that one twice? It’s not a typo. Kids need to appreciate how important money really is–not how important having money is–but how important money is as an entity. Working gives him a first-hand accounting of how products are brought to market and what needs to happen behind the scenes to design, develop and produce those products. Encourage him to ask questions that go beyond his daily tasks. Why is the produce always the first thing you see in a grocery store and the milk always the last? Why do fast-food chains allow people to self-serve their own drinks? Doesn’t that cost the store more money? How does the chef determine how much meat to order?
It’s about learning
Working is about learning, but not necessarily about learning a trade or a skill. It’s about learning how things work, how people interact and where they fit into the scheme of things. Encourage your working teen to observe different personalities. Is there a complainer? A schmoozer? A critical boss? A go-to person? A problem solver? How do these attitudes seem to be working for them? By navigating the maze of prevailing attitudes, a young adult has a chance to mold a work persona that can help him find success and fulfillment in future endeavors. Teach your child to be on the lookout for the good as well as the not-so-good behaviors. It’s also about learning to communicate. A simple thing like asking for a day off or a change in his schedule can be a lesson in confidence and communication.
Hard Work is a Cliché
Don’t resort to sayings from what my oldest son calls “that book that has all of the things parents are supposed to say to their kids.” Blathering about how important it is to work hard, be responsible, take pride in your work (blah) are not going to resonate with an adolescent. Trust that he knows this intrinsically. Better to point to the future, and explain to him that his future options and potential for success and independence rely on what he does while at work. Also dangerous is the sentiment that the key to enjoying work is finding something you love to do. Work is about enjoying who you are and what you can bring to the table in any circumstance. Wowing them, surprising them, exceeding expectations, coming up with better ways to do things, saving the day, changing people’s perception of you–these are the things that bring joy and confidence to life.
A Chance to be a Hero
Working is your child’s chance to be a hero, in ever-increasing ways, every day. The rush she will get from solving a problem or exceeding someone’s expectations will motivate her to greater accomplishments. Let’s face it, it’s not that hard to stand out in today’s workplace. Examples of poor service, uninterested workers and punch-the-clock types abound. Working gives a teenager a chance to be whoever he wants to be. A young-man shy around his peers becomes the most admired camp counselor amongst the younger kids. Or an attractive young woman displays an uncanny knack for quick thinking or problem solving. Encourage them to speak up when they have an idea, and not to be discouraged if they are shot down. Every new work day is like getting an extra life in a video game and a chance to reach another level.
Teach your children to explore and experiment with their personality in different work situations, to rise above the stereotypes and to distinguish themselves in small but distinctive ways. It is their chance to become a hero–and yours!