Nearly as certain and just as unwelcome as taxes, Bill Creep rears his ugly head every January at our house. A decidedly unwelcome but persistent guest, he occasionally pops in throughout the year as well. Who is this jerk and why don’t I just give him the bum’s rush for good?
As it turns out, Bill isn’t a person at all although it bears many of the same qualities of a not-so-lovable uncle that one cares for out of obligation rather than any loving bond. Bill Creep is the fictional name I use to describe the very real phenomenon which occurs when our monthly rates for items such as phone, internet or cable begin to increase. This can occur at any time but I see it frequently in the beginning of a new year.
In our family, one of the many hats I wear is CFO, chief financial officer. I am the last line of defense when it comes to protecting our collective nest and its eggs. I take great pride in doing my job well. So when our most recent cable bill was hand delivered by Mr. Creep, I stopped him cold at the door with a curt, “No, thank you.” I was polite but firm. I mean how would you treat a guest that not only shows up uninvited but charges you for the pleasure of his company?
I didn’t shoot the messenger but I did read the message. I will translate its meaning from dollars to words for the benefit of all. It went something like this, “Dear Customer, due to an expiration of our introductory offer, our desire to feather our own nest and the chance you don’t review your bills and budget thoroughly monthly, we are increasing your service fee by 19% while not offering any increase in service. Thank you for subscribing to the Our-Service-Is-A-Necessity-Delusion cable company.”
I consulted with Chief Navy Man, the other shareholder in this family, to determine the best course of action based on our perceived value of the service. We weighed several alternatives including but not limited to; lowering the level of services or canceling the service outright. Due to limited options in carriers and our own desire to have a reliable, up-to-the-minute service, we decided to lower the level of service but didn’t tell Bill for fear he might consider it a return invitation. Instead I replied to the OSIAND Company directly.
A phone call invoked some sympathy but not much financial relief with an offer that amounted to a 3.5% reduction of the new rate or an alternative option of losing a service, DVR, to reduce the overall bill. While losing DVR was already on our chopping block, I felt we might have better luck in a face to face. So I closed the call with a “thanks for the info, that’s something to think about.” Then proceeded to the nearest service location with DVR in hand, where a question of, “Do you offer a broadcast only option?” brought forth an offer of same level services at a 25% discount from the new rate. That’s right 6% less than the old rate. For good measure, I cancelled the DVR service thereby giving us a little room for the inevitable return of Bill Creep.
Be on the lookout! He has a nasty habit of sneaking in and staying when no one is watching.