It seems as internet piracy and a shameless reliance on CGI have taken a toll on the profits of Hollywood Film Studios, they have responded in the worst way possible. Steve Jobs always believed that in order to stay ahead of the curve you have to constantly be innovating and instead of using that successful business strategy Hollywood has decided that it’s best to simply crack open the sacred vault that houses the most influential and priceless films of yesteryear, drag them through the mud, and throw them back on the screen.
It’s not that there have been NO good remakes, and I’m fine with them if done properly, but when was the last time you remember one turning out correctly? When I saw what happened to “Dirty Dancing” I threw up in my mouth. When I saw Alvin with his hat kicked to the side dancing around to hip hop songs all my existing childhood memories of the chipmunks singing Christmas carols withered and died. Let’s not forget about when Rob Zombie portrayed Michael Myers as a chubby, foul-mouthed kid wearing a KISS T-Shirt!? Michael Myers doesn’t listen to KISS!!! It has become obvious that nothing is sacred, and now that Hollywood is losing their ability to capture the hearts of new viewers, they apparently find it necessary to betray the memories of a time when original ideas still made it to the big screen, and you didn’t have to be a model to dream of one day becoming a star.
What seems strangest to me is that these remakes aren’t even doing very well, yet still they continue to pop out every few months and slap loyal film fans in the face. Some of the current rumored reboots are perhaps the most offensive. There is word that a “Breakfast Club” re-imagining is in the works. That’s exactly what we need. Not only would we not have the genius that is the late John Hughes involved, I’m sure it would be cast with the latest MTV bronzed 15-minute-famers that would instantly turn a film about how students can come to accept and appreciate each other into another 90-minute waste of time that would make normal looking people (like those in the original) feel insecure about themselves.
Of course, there’s the rumored reboot that breaks my heart the most: Lethal Weapon. When this was announced, there was immediate uproar and I can only pray that Hollywood took that for what it is and scrapped the idea. They can call it what they want, but without Mel Gibson and Danny Glover, it’s no Lethal Weapon. No exceptions. As much as I’m sure they’d love to cast Taye Diggs and Channing Tatum and try to resubmit one of the greatest action franchises of all time, there is still a strong fan base for the original films and this could prove to be potentially calamitous.
The only way to surge interest and money back into film is by creating truly original pieces. Sure, I think there’s a few Marvel characters that haven’t been ruined yet but look at the disaster that was the Green Lantern. When Hollywood was at the top of its game, it was willing to take chances and though they sometimes resulted in failure, many received great acclaim and viewers at least had a variety of different options to choose from. It seems today that despite its dwindling success, Hollywood is only confident enough to bring us movies about small children possessed by demons, rappers robbing armored cars, computer generated animals, and teenagers expressing themselves in the only way they know how… through 3D dance.