Best friend break-ups are nearly inevitable for kids. Socialization is a learning experience for them. They haven’t quite figured out who they get along with well. It’s all just trial and error. Is there anything you can do when kids break up with their best friends? I triumphed and failed in this are on more than one occasion, with more than one of my children. Through trial and (mostly) error, I’ve come up with these five tips.
1. Leave them alone unless they ask for help. You know how parents used to say kids shouldn’t speak unless spoken to? It’s a ridiculous notion, but in this case, the reverse is true. Sometimes the best help you can give your kids is to stay out of their personal issues. Besides, how will they learn to deal with life if you keep doing it for them?
2. Don’t bash the bestie. Whatever you do, don’t say negative things about your kids best friends after a break-up. This is equal to bashing ex-boyfriends. You never know when they’ll get back together. Then, things will be incredibly awkward for you all. Console your kids after best friend break-ups without saying anything you’ll regret later.
3. Lend them your ear and zip your mouth. Sometimes kids just need to vent. You know how you feel about your evil bosses? You don’t really hate them but you’d sure like them to cut you some slack. You don’t really need advice either. You’ve got it covered. You just want someone to listen with empathy to your tirade when things get rough. Give your kids the same courtesy after bestie break-ups.
4. Don’t try to find them a new best friend. There is no adequate replacement, especially not one their parents recommend. In time, your kids will find another best friend, based on their interests and common beliefs. It’s all part of a natural growth process. They have to go through it on their own. Interference will only serve to make things worse.
5. Do get them out more. You should be doing this anyway. Keep your kids busy with fun activities. Get them into sports, hobbies or whatever they’d like to explore. A busy life is a happy life. I admit, there’s somewhat of an ulterior motive to this strategy. The more your kids involve themselves in life, the more likely they are to build new friendships. Still, consoling your kids after best friend break-ups is more about being there for them than anything else.
More from Jaipi:
Supermoms Don’t Take the Fall for Their Kids
Five Benefits of Imaginary Friends for Parents
Giving Kids Choices: Good Strategy or Bad Decision?