According to bullyingstatistics.org, “a bully is someone who is regularly overbearing. He or she looks to cause humiliation or discomfort to another, particularly if that other is weaker or smaller. This can be physical bullying, emotional bullying or mental discomfort and humiliation. It is important to understand that bullying goes beyond physical intimidation. Many people don’t realize that emotional and mental bullying can have just as many long lasting effects as physical bullying – even though the effects are of different kinds. The effects from bullying parents are no less severe.”
Bullying takes place most commonly in schools and on the playgrounds, but the sad truth is that bullying usually begins at home. Children learn social behaviors by copying their parents. They are like sponges and can absorb all the behaviors of the most important people in their lives. The child treated with kindness will most likely treat others kindly; the child bullied or abused at home usually repeats those behaviors as well. This carries over into all areas of relationships, not just in schools. But this becomes pungent when a child is socially faced with other people, which is why the school setting is a large predominant base for bullying.
We’re trying to get the schools to teach our kids not to tolerate bullying, but the problems are not starting there. It’s no longer enough to leave the responsibility in the schools’ hands. No parent wants their child to be bullied. No parent intentionally teaches their child to become a bully when we all want the best for our kids. But occasionally we must look in the mirror and step up to take responsibility that we may be the cause of our child’s negative behavior.
Are you modeling bullying to your children? If your child makes a mistake, do you ever call him or her an idiot? If you gain a few pounds, do you say you feel disgusting or label yourself fat? How do you allow people to speak to you? Are you submissive, and allow yourself to be taken advantage of? Are you always on the offensive and act before actually reasoning? All that sends a message to our children, they pick up on everything we do. Even small unconscious insinuations can be magnified to our children, when we least expect it.
“Our behavior is controlled by our beliefs system, and the 90% of our beliefs are learned since we were born until six-seven years old. Yes, what we learned when we were kids is ruling our present life and we are teaching that to our children. So, what are we teaching to our children? It is time to break the chain and program new beliefs to our kids, beliefs that help them to improve their self-esteem, love themselves and have a happy life”, says bullyingstatistics.org.
So what can you do to help educate and take a preventive choice in having your child be a bully, or get bullied whether directly or indirectly? First, you must take a look at yourself. What lessons are you teaching your children on dealing with other people? Could you make a change in your awareness? Try to take some time out of your day and just witness what you are saying to others, how you are saying it. This is something that most people don’t usually do and like seeing your first sunset, what you notice may be an incredible wake up call. Be “proactive”, not “reactive”. Reactive means trying to stop a problem after it has already developed while proactive means trying to stop it “before” it develops into a problem. If the problem has already begun, be proactive in quickly diffusing situations with the help of the school, or counseling. Any and every step we take as a parent is essential, even if that step is improving ourselves.