Ask the Dad Parenting Advice: On Pregnant Teens, Clothing, and Gifts for Bald Men

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Question

Grandpa’s been joking about losing his hair and getting a bald spot. I saw this shampoo that smells amazing and got it for him. It is supposed to help your hair to grow faster, to cause new hair to grow, and to prevent hair loss. He seemed to like it a lot. I told my aunt about it because her husband is balding, and she said men are sensitive about that and their feelings could be hurt. Grandpa’s feelings weren’t hurt, he even Facebooked about the shampoo. Should I give my uncle some of the shampoo? I thought about giving some to my father as well, both because of his hair loss and because I know he’d love the scent. The shampoo is expensive and high quality and would make a good gift.

Answer

Listen to your aunt. Not all men are sensitive about hair loss. Some can joke about it, but others cannot. A gift that works for Grandpa might not make sense for your uncle.

Believe me, your aunt will know best. She lives with the man and certainly knows about his hair loss. She also understands better than anyone how that hair loss has affected her husband. If she thinks the gift of a shampoo designed to prevent hair loss will offend or embarrass your uncle, get him a tie or some golf balls. Something that has nothing to do with hair.

As for your father, I suggest you talk to your mother before you buy the shampoo. Like your aunt with your uncle, your mother is in the best position to gauge how your father would react to such a gift.

Even if the man is not sensitive about his hairline, a gift that calls attention to it might make him uncomfortable. I would equate this to buying a treadmill for an obese relative. Many people would love to receive a treadmill as a gift. But present one to a person with a lot of pounds to lose, and your gift may look like a value judgment. At the very least, such a gift calls attention to a deficiency the person certainly knows about but would probably rather not discuss with everyone.

Question

I am a pregnant teen, and my parents get mad because I usually wear a T-shirt, blue jeans, and flip flops. My shirts show off my pregnant belly, and they say that is not respectful. Are they correct?

Answer

Such attire is not respectful. Here are two reasons why.

First, not everyone wants to look at other people’s skin, particularly skin on parts of the body other than the arms, legs, or face. I could provide some reasons why they might think that way, but their rationale is not the key issue. When you stroll around in a public place in such clothing, people who would rather not look don’t have a choice. On the flip side, the same rule of courtesy applies when a very fat man decides to board a public bus wearing a muscle shirt that didn’t fit him 100 pounds ago. Is it illegal? No. Is it rude and distasteful? Yes.

Second, casual apparel is not suitable everywhere. Pregnancy aside, the clothes you choose to wear would show disrespect for others in most places of business. As a rule of thumb, if your clothing would embarrass the proprietor of a business, then you should have the respect and courtesy not to embarrass him. Exposing a pregnant stomach only exacerbates this situation.

Dress the way you like at home. And on the beach or other places where people routinely show a lot of skin, your outfit won’t cause much attention. But wearing clothing you know will make others uncomfortable when you could wear something more appropriate doesn’t demonstrate your independence or liberation or carefree attitude. It just shows a lack of class.

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