People are familiar with the expression, “we are what we eat,” but are people familiar with another important expression, “we are what we choose?” Because choice can be automatic, people do not realize choice options. Choices, large and small, have significant impacts on our emotions and expressions creating reactionary cycles. Many choices are habitual and the outcomes less than favorable.
Many people are emotional manipulators and can sense which emotional buttons to push resulting in the emotions they wish us to experience. They intentionally distract us from formulating a proper response to a situation. A well put word, tone, expression, is carefully interjected and our emotional switches are pushed on. Caught in the storm of emotional reactions we react and react more.
We fume, swear, complain and stomp off in an emotional tizzy. We sputter, “Oh that person makes me so mad.” We continue to obsess and react, minutes, hours, days and longer, after the encounter. We replay the event envisioning a different outcome, frustrated by what occurred. Sometimes, our emotional choices lead to depression or a sense of powerlessness in crucial choice situations in life.
What we failed to recognize, to acknowledge is we are our choices. We chose to react with anger, resentment, hostility or a hundred different emotions. We choose to allow others to make our choices for us, determine responses and leave us accountable for outcomes that may be less than favorable. We allow ourselves to become weak and vulnerable because we chase emotions, instead of logic to make choices.
Manipulators play with self-esteem, insecurities, misplaced guilt and sensitivities. When we become conscious of these manipulators and manipulative techniques we can adopt practices which provide us the ability to escape the toxic effects of their actions. Effective is the five-second rule, when facing an emotional manipulator. By waiting five seconds, emotions lose the sharp edge triggering immediate negative responses. Five seconds and a breath allow the mind to kick into action instead of emotions zinging.
Another effective technique is to listen quietly without reacting. By listening quietly, often the manipulator is disarmed and the sharp edge is lost. Often a manipulator is banking on noisy reactions, and quiet reaction effectively disarms their verbal barrage. When we do not react their sails lose wind and we can make better choices.
Amazing how the words and actions of others affect us in such negative ways. We can make a difference in our responses by stepping back a moment allowing for a response we choose. Our choices are important to our personal power and self-esteem, so awareness of possible reactions is important. Once we become choice conscious, we become like ducks and their manipulations roll off our backs like water.