A Twilight Vampires Idiot Guide to Fast Food, Volume 1, Florida

Let me begin my story by expelling the rumor/rumors about one such as me. We do not burn in any type of daylight. The cross is just an insult for some, but ok with others. We did not come from hell and Lucifer as no power over us. If you humans took time to learn some history about the origin of Lucifer, you might also see he has no power over you either.

We vamps do choose to rest and sleep during day hours. We are similar to your earthly lion, lazing during the day, hunting in the cool night. But, warning number one, we differ in one way. Don’t make this common mistake, we are not weaker in daylight, and we will feed if hungry. The reason we rest during the day is because days are so boring for most of us. I remember once, during a bad beak up with my maker, I was afraid to leave my house for 4 days. I feed on 2 pizza delivery boys, from different counties of course, and a deli food delivery man and not 1 person questioned me about the missing men! I even checked the local newspapers. It seems that tourist towns in Florida are so bent on not hurting tourist visitors, that they don’t even report 3 missing men? By the 5th day I was getting so bored, I had to venture out. Luckily during my absence my ex maker got a taste of stripper drugged up blood and he no longer wanted me, so I was safe. Ten or twenty years later I heard she broke free of his wooden coffin and accidentally sent a wooden board through his heart. That’s seems kind of weird huh?

The truth is, I must be feeling my end. Just like older vamps, both male and female, I to seem to prefer the day feed. I like the simplicity of an easy meal and it seems to satisfy me. Much like humans, I like the familiar and I am not very open to change. I wish humans weren’t so afraid of our existence. Maybe then, their elders would get the death they want, versus the hospitals and senior rest homes their children want to forget them in.

Maybe all I need is change. Maybe I need a new city or a new country. I no longer feel the need to hunt. I have a vamp talent to see into humans, sense their needs and play that role. Then, when hungry, I become that desire, make flyers, yes flyers, and put this tacky invite on their needy little cars, and whatnot. Within days all the beautiful people line up, in cars and boats, to be my special boy or girl. I always am a polite host, and when I finally do decide who I want for dinner, I make them look into my eyes as I tell them their fate. Even after I explain that there is no immortality for them. They will never be as me. I wait about 3 minutes while watching them conceive the notion of what I know as truth. They all say they wish to stay. Reality is I don’t really think I would let any of them leave, but who knows. Maybe there is some instinct in humans that sense this in me, therefore they accept their fate?

Maybe in another state, or country, or planet, someone will choose life? That, my friends, would be the love in this vampire’s life. Until then, I’ll exist, watch, and wait.


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