Growing up in a strong Christian home, I accepted Christ as my Savior at 13. I always loved Jesus, but hadn’t fully given my will and life to Him until that evening.
I have always wondered why I didn’t have many friends. Even into adulthood I often felt sad and alone. Eventually I assumed people were right – I was worthless.
After starting a new antidepressant, I began feeling better. Dealing with a side effect called “mania”, I was suddenly happy and couldn’t understand why my husband, Don, wouldn’t join me in my new found freedom from depression. Soon I began college with plans to save money until I had enough to take our four kids and run away.
After nearly destroying my life and marriage, I got to the place where I couldn’t take it anymore. To escape confrontation I would take anxiety medication, knocking me out for hours. I prayed and begged God to help me out of the mess I created. Every day brought another struggle and failure. I felt I was stuck in my nightmare and God would never take me back. One night, when I just couldn’t take it anymore, as I fell asleep I prayed, “I QUIT!”
That’s exactly where God wanted me. I woke up with a change in my heart. I was determined to love Don with all my heart, even if he didn’t reciprocate. I told Christ I would follow Him to my dying day, whether He forgave me or not. It wasn’t easy, but with determination and the awesome power of God it wasn’t long before it became my natural way of life.
My strong Christian heritage helped me deepen my relationship with Christ. I soon discovered that Christ had never stopped loving me.
Both of us being deeply committed to Christ helped Don and I put our marriage back together.
A Christian counselor helped me see that I am not a loser and helped me understand that people really MAY just like me, if given a chance.
My doctor found the correct combination of medications to help with my depression – without the “mania”. Another doctor discovered that I have low blood sugar issues, which contributes to my depression if I eat the wrong foods.
I came to realize the fullness of God’s unconditional love. I continue to learn God doesn’t stop loving me every time I make a bad choice.