Red ribbons, pink ribbons, purple butterflies , silver ribbons, AIDS walks, LUPUS Awareness Day, Breast Cancer marathons, etc.
Everyone has a cause these days.
Ever since I tested positive for Lupus , I had to wait an agonizing month to find out a diagnosis. Did I have it or didn’t I?
I researched Lupus like crazy all while suffering from a “flare”.
My right hand and eye was swollen, I felt aches and pains really bad, I was so tired I couldn’t lift the trunk of my car up, let alone open doors for myself. I had to go home tired and confused .
It was scary knowing that any day now I could be diagnosed with Lupus. But what seemed to be scarier to me was…
What if I didn’t?
I felt like a hypochondriac, complaining to all who would listen. I felt like okay if I got diagnosed with SOMETHING then I could treat it. Sure fighting something that you can identify is a lot easier than fighting something you can’t.
If I didn’t then how can I explain the pain? The achy muscles? The baths at 5am in the morning so that I could at least move around that day? The swollen left knee? The puffy right eye and matching hand? The weight loss ?
I was hoping that my rheumatolgist would take my symptoms seriously and diagnose me with SOMETHING! Anything! I prayed to the gods that I wouldn’t walk away empty handed.
No I DON’T WANT TO BE SICK for those that aren’t getting the gist of the post by now. I’d rather be healthy.
But the thought of not being diagnosed with anything and living in agony the way I was, was far more scarier than Lupus could ever be.
I have read some horror stories online of frustrated people just fed up with “I don’t know what’s wrong with you.”
Those people go home and suffer in silence. Many of these people will die because they were not diagnosed in enough time.
They don’t get a pink ribbon. They don’t get to walk for a cause. They simply go home and suffer.
I dedicate this post to all those people out there that suffer in silence, not knowing what ails them.
You are not alone.