There’s something really frustrating about people who don’t respond to emails. I have to admit that I, too, am guilty of that offense and I really think it’s time that those of us who don’t respond to a request should take a few seconds out of our day to return someone’s message. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve emailed media contacts only to be completely ignored over and over again. You know how that makes me feel? Pretty crappy, that’s how.
My husband and I had a conversation about how email is making it easier for people to be incredibly rude to other people who are just trying to get your attention. So for those of you who blatantly ignore people by not responding to their emails, here are some great comeback email lines that should get your contacts on the other end to smile, laugh and maybe even respond.
1. Automated Response from an Investment Banker: I’m sorry, I’m unavailable at this time. Your Email Response: I wish I were unavailable too but I’ve got to pay for my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah and if you don’t get back to me, I’ll have to cancel the DJ.
2. You send several emails to a web editor at a major women’s site and they don’t respond. Your Email Response: Obviously, all of my messages must have gone to spam so just in case, I’m going to keep sending you this email until you find time in your incredibly busy schedule to get back to me.
3. Email Response: I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to pass. Your Email Response: I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to jump off a bridge.
4. Email Response: Thanks for reaching out. I’ll be in touch. Your Email Response: That’s great. So when exactly would you like to be in touch? I’m free next Monday if that works for you.
5. Email Response: I’ll be out on maternity leave for the next six months — don’t leave me a message because I’m not going to be checking my emails. Your Email Response: So what’s your excuse been for the last six months?
6. No Email Response – First Time Your Response: You obviously must have missed my email – so I’m going to send this to you again just in case.
7. No Email Response – Second Time Your Email Response: I’m sure you saw my last email, but just in case, I’m sending you this again, just to annoy you. 
8. No Email Response – Third Time Your Email Response: I’m sure you must have been busy all week with much more important things, but if you can take five seconds out of your day to respond to me, I will be able to sleep more soundly tonight.
9. No Email Response – Fourth Time Your Email Response: Seriously? I have been email stalking you for the last week and I know you’re seeing my emails. So if you don’t get back to me, I’ll just drop by your office to make sure you’re still alive.
10. No Email Response – Fifth Time Your Email Response: Okay. You win. Before you put out a restraining order on me, I will cease and desist on sending you emails. You’re obviously not interested and I can take the hint. It’s not like I was born yesterday or anything. I just want you to know that I know that you know that you have been reading all of my emails. So for all the time it took for you to wade through my lackluster messages, you could have just written back, “Sorry I’m not interested.”
Have any good comeback lines you want to share? I’d love to hear them so I can start using them at work!