As I walk around this yard, cleaning dead limbs and pulling weeds, I have noticed a lot of things that I did not notice last summer when I was in the deep fog of grief. David always did a lot of the yardwork in the Spring and I mostly worked on the big flower bed. He wasn’t too wild about flowers, but loved shrubs, trees and decorative grasses. I have found Hostas growing where I know there wasn’t any before. He planted it everywhere and it has come up so pretty this year. He would have loved to have been able to have a snowball bush and planted many, but could not get them to grow. He has Forsythia everywhere and it was beautiful this year. Everywhere I look in this yard I see his handprint. It comforts me and hurts at the same time. I know these trees and shrubs and grasses will be here for years to come and this is one of his many legacies. He could not do a lot of digging standing up with his bad leg, so he had a little trenching shovel and would sit on his knees and dig all the holes. I can see him in my mind just as clear as if he were still here.
In a short time, we will be floating the creek for the first time since he has been gone. This will be bittersweet. I am anxious to try it in the kayak for the first time but will miss helping him paddle the canoe.
Father’s Day weekend will be the first anniversay of his death and we are going to Myrtle Beach for the first time. I didn’t think we could stand being here on that date and had planned a get away for Bec and me. Of course, my two older daughters decided that was when they were going to take their vacations so we would not be alone. None of us are ready for Florida without David so we chose Myrtle Beach. I will have members of my extended family with me also, so maybe it will be tolerable. They have all been my rocks these past months.
So, another season has come and we are handling it. I can not say that time heals all because there are some wounds that can not be healed. I can say that, as time passes, I am learning to do things alone. It isn’t easy and I miss him so much that at times I can’t seem to breathe, but as long as I see the trees, shrubs and other things he planted, I know he is still with me. He will always be here.