Ten Things to Do with a Fruitcake

by on March 7th, 2015
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I received a fruitcake for the holidays. I really do not like fruitcakes. What in the world am I going to do with it? Here are ten ideas that I came up with.

1. I’m going to give away my fruitcake as a white elephant gift. If that doesn’t work, I’ll just give my fruitcake away to a white elephant.

2. I’m going to slice the fruitcake in half and use it as decorative bookends.

3. I’m going to use my fruitcake as a step stool. It certainly is hard enough to support me.

4. I’m going to keep my fruitcake close at hand and use it as a weapon if someone tries to rob me.

5. I’m going to share my fruitcake with my worst enemy. Perhaps he’ll lose at a tooth or two when he bites into it.

6. I’m going to give it away to my dear Grandma. I know that my Grandma loves fruitcake. She also loves Lawrence Welk. She can enjoy eating her fruitcake while watching the Lawrence Welk show. Have fun!

7. I’m going to use my fruitcake as a spare tire. Okay, I’m really reaching for something to do with my fruitcake.

8. I’m going to give my fruitcake away to my boss. Hey, last year he gave me this crummy tie. Now it’s my turn to return the favor.

9. I’m going to use my fruitcake as an arm rest. Ah, now isn’t that comfortable?

10. I’m going to attach two fruitcakes on either side of a barbell and do some heavy lifting.

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