Twelve years ago, I never dreamed I would become a Christian. I had left all that behind in 1997 when I became disenchanted and disillusioned with what I called religion. I needed something more. I felt disconnected from the spiritual side of life.
I had been raised in a loving home and believed there was a God, but I kept him at a distance. After my grandfather’s death, I started to lose my faith, but it was my abusive marriage in 1995 that stripped me of my belief in God entirely. In 1997, I discovered the beauty that is Mother Nature through Wicca and other pagan paths. I thought I had found my home, and that empty place in my heart would disappear. I was wrong.
One of my roommates who was also pagan at the time, started looking for a church to call home. Eventually she found one and invited her husband along. He begrudgingly agreed, and I understood his fears and skepticism well; I did not see Christianity in a positive light at all. I was terrified of everything it symbolized to me. In reality, I think I was letting my own prejudices and fears color everything.
My roommate and her husband had been attending this particular church for a few weeks, and they would rave about it, they had nothing but positive things to say, and by this time I was definitely curious and expressed my desire to go with them. The arrangements were made, and I could hardly wait. When that day dawned, I awoke with a feeling of expectation. My stomach was in knots, and I wondered whether this was a huge mistake. What would I find when I got there? Would they accept me? My mind was racing with questions.
When we got there, I was amazed at the openness and warmth these people exuded towards me. The style of worship was unlike anything I experienced as a child; I was blown away, and I was deeply moved. Something was tugging at my heart, but was it joy, or fear? I decided that very day to commit my life to Christ, not knowing what to expect. As I continued to attend services, my fears slowly melted away. They answered my questions and concerns with love and honesty.
Since my conversion, I have gained faith, a stronger sense of self, and a chance to grow as a person. I’ve also experienced having my prayers truly answered. I now have an accessible van, and I have moved into a house that is modified for my specific needs. I am a lot calmer, and I am very slowly learning to trust again. The only negative affect my conversion has had on my life is a constant fear of persecution if I am open about my faith. I did say I was very slowly learning to trust again, didn’t I?
This is my story. While it was neither earth-shattering nor a great fanfare, it was, and still is one of the most positive life events that I have ever experienced. There’s nothing better than knowing a light is always on for me to come home to.