My First Family Christmas

Christmas is typically a time to spend with your family, a time to continue old traditions and create new ones. However, when you spend twelve years in the military, you are bound to spend a few Christmases away from home. During my time in service, I’ve spent every Christmas away from home. It was very rare for me to come back home for any reason, and Christmas was no exception.

The typical way to celebrate Christmas in the Army is basically how you’d celebrate as a civilian, only farther from home, and with people you aren’t related to. I never much concerned myself with celebrating Christmas beyond drinking with my other far-from-home single friends until I had my son.

After he was born, the holiday spirit consumed me. I started putting up trees, wrapping presents, baking, etc. Each year, I’d buy the tree, wrap the presents and open them with him on Christmas day. A few friends, mostly other single moms, and single soldiers without kids were always there. Once in awhile, I’d visit another family at their house. It was always fun, and I was always grateful to have my friends and the family we created over time. However, I still secretly longed to experience a more traditional family Christmas. Given my strained relationship with my family, and the lack of a father in my son’s life, I was resigned to continuing on in my Army style celebration.

My resignation was withdrawn last year, when I met my fiance. By the time the holidays rolled around, I was already well acquainted with his parents and his two daughters. Yet, as much as I’d longed for a Christmas with family, I was terrified when that time came. Before last year, I hadn’t met a boyfriend’s family since high school. In high school, parents and other adult relatives don’t necessarily take you seriously as a couple, and there are no kids involved, so there was really no pressure. This time, I’d be spending the holiday with my future in-laws and step-children. Holidays are inherently stressful. When you add in the pressure of spending them with your soon to be new family, the stress skyrockets to new levels.

Luckily, my fears were unfounded. My nervousness quickly wore off as the day progressed. Everything felt very natural, much to my relief. The day began with opening presents, of course. For the first time, my son opened his gifts in an actual family setting, with two parents present, and his future sisters and cousins. Later on I helped my fiance’s mom with the cooking and cleaning and we ended the night with a glass of wine. I must admit, I was happy to hold on to that aspect of how I’d celebrated Christmas in the past. Though my worries had subsided, relaxing with a drink after a long day was still appreciated.

When I reflect on that Christmas, my fondest memory is that of my son opening presents with the other kids. I am not sure if it made a difference to him who he opened his presents with, but it made a difference to me. I take a tremendous amount of pride in being a single parent, but the pride is not stronger than the feeling of seeing my son celebrate Christmas in a true family unit.


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