That old song by Neil Sedaka said it best: breaking up is hard to do. In fact, because relationships tend to go through a series of fragmented beginnings and endings, determining whether the end is actually here is a subject within itself! However, once it’s clear that the relationship is definitely over, the colossal job of rebuilding lives commences. Depending on the age and stage of development, along with the depth of the relationship, this could prove to be an exceedingly arduous task. Nevertheless, it’s a task that cannot be overlooked.
The First Step
First and foremost, all of the emotions that will no doubt be felt as a result of the breakup must be confronted. Most know this already so it almost seems pointless to say it. Except that doing this is easier said than done because the emotions encountered (i.e., confusion, jealousy, resentment, pain, anger, sadness, etc.) aren’t the types of emotions people look forward to experiencing. Thus, the initial tendency is to push everything aside and ignore it with the hope that the matter will dissipate on its own in due time. But running away is the worst thing to do because the problem won’t go away magically by itself. Although utterly unpleasant, the only option is to deal with these feelings head on no matter how ruthless or intense they may be. This is the principal segment of the healing process and going through this stage will take time. People have to be prepared to take as much time as necessary to heal and it’s best to contend with this before making any other major life-changing decisions or becoming involved in another relationship. The mind and soul are in a fractured state during this period so decisions might be made without giving proper thought and consideration and could later turn out to be a source of regret. At the same time, care has to be taken not to lapse into states of self-pity and/or alienation that could lock someone into a negative position that inhibits their continued growth as an individual.
The Next Step
Once the trauma of dealing with unsettled and crushed emotions has been resolved, it’s then time to think about what actually happened in the relationship. This will require an objective and honest search to determine the pivotal words and actions that were said and done that caused serious setbacks and disconnections. For the most part, people instinctively know the major turning points and where they occurred, even if they were unable . . . or unwilling to admit it at the time. Once pinpointed, it’s important to avoid issuing blame because blame usually incites guilt and guilt contributes little to resolving these situations. Also, by placing the blame on their mates, it allows people to relieve themselves of any responsibility for the failed relationship. Everyone should keep in mind that since it takes two to tango, both parties share in the success or failure of their relationship. Therefore, it’s crucial that people concentrate Instead on deciphering where they may have done or said something wrong and openly admit it to themselves. Even if the other person has generated actions that were obviously wrong, attempting to change someone is a daunting, if not impossible task to undertake so people should focus solely on changing themselves.
The Final Step
Once a person has taken an objective look at their own life and they now possess a better understanding of how they operate, they’re ready for the final step: rediscovery of self. It’s amazing how easy it becomes for someone to go through life learning about everybody and everything else and in the end, know little about themselves. Indeed, it’s likely that many relationships have ended simply because one or both persons lacked sufficient knowledge about themselves. If people don’t know what truly interests them, they won’t be able to identify the goals they wish to seek and achieve and they won’t be able to envision the type of life that best suits them. Consequently, this will limit their ability to choose a compatible personality because they don’t know their own hearts and minds. Everyone requires different life elements that are essential to their happiness and well-being so they must discover what these components are and incorporate them into their lives. It’s only after people have become familiar with this knowledge of self that they’ll be able to recognize and choose a mate of similar character with comparable ideals and goals.
Conclusion
Once people become involved in bad relationships, the process of rectifying the situation can be burdensome, challenging and downright complicated. However, if people begin to learn about themselves during childhood and continue this development during the teenage years, they will be better equipped to enter into positive relationships by the time adulthood approaches. Hopefully by that time, people will have learned to look beyond themselves, recognize that special someone when they cross their paths, and then focus on getting to know them while breathing life into a satisfying, life-changing relationship!