After finally getting back into the dating scene after a nine-year relationship, I have come to learn that men want what they cannot have. For years, I was on a back and forth rollercoaster with him, unsure of what it was I really wanted. We would break up and I would move out and be happy for a little while, until he would apologize and I would go running back. It became so routine that I knew every time I left, it was only a matter of time before he would beg for me to come back. However, about six months ago, we had an extreme fight in which I moved out, and ever since then, the tables have turned.
Now, the shoe is on the other foot. He didn’t start to call or leave me messages or little notes apologizing, Instead, he left me alone. Now that I am not being pushed back into the relationship, I finally realize that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with; my soul mate, my life partner. For several months I drove myself crazy trying to get his attention. I would find little excuses to call, text or show up at what was once “our home” just to talk to him. Finally, I realized that when he did those things to me, it pushed me away emotionally and I was never able to see what I really had. Therefore, I came to the conclusion that I needed to make myself scarce and go about my life just as he was doing, no matter how much it hurt.
So, I began to keep myself busy. Though it was difficult and I could never really get him off my mind, I knew that this is what I had to do. I would go out with my friends as much as possible, and do the things I never found the time to do when I was in the relationship. Even when I was stuck at home, I would clean, read, watch tv, anything to keep my mind occupied. I started to smile a little more and actually enjoy myself, something I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to do again.
It took time, but eventually, to my surprise, he noticed and started to call. I didn’t want to run back the way I used to because I didn’t want him to have that control over me. I remained strong and the first time he asked to hang out, I let him down gently by telling him I had other plans without elaborating on what those plans were and asked him if we could get together the following night. Little did he know, I actually sat home alone that night. But alone or not, I remained in control of the situation. The next night, we got together and he asked how my night out was, which told me that my little story kept me on his mind all night.
For about a month now, we have been seeing each other, however we are taking it slow this time and I have not moved back. I don’t jump up every time he calls and sometimes I wait several minutes before calling or texting back so it doesn’t seem as if my life revolves around him. I know that in order to maintain happiness in our relationship, I must keep my independence and never lose sight of what really matters the most. I still go out with my girlfriends, but I don’t push them aside anymore. I know that if I want to keep his attention on me, then I cannot focus all of mine on him.