Is marriage really dead? Every year a new study adds credence to that prognosis. Most recently, it’s a U.S. Census report. It found that divorce rates are highest in the Bible Belt and out west and that fewer people are marrying and if and when they do, it’s at a later age.
This supports the perception that people don’t want to get married anymore. But this is far from the truth. If the nearly 23 million Americans who watched Prince William and Kate Middleton tie the knot are any indication, people are still rooting for matrimony.
And many real people get married and stay married. Why in this day and age?
I asked the better halves of three married couples why did they get married. As they testify, while marriage isn’t a fairytale, it’s one of the best decisions they ever made. Here they share their marital stories and offer advice to singles.
Lamar Tyler is literally a marriage and family guru. He and his wife Ronnie promote the marriage and family lifestyle in their award-winning site www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com and through their documentaries “Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage” and “You Saved Me.” They also run a new media consulting business Tyler New Media.
On how he met his wife: We met through a mutual friend. We dated for 11 months before getting engaged and it was just under two years by the time we got married.
Why did they get married: Because we were best friends and couldn’t imagine spending the rest of our lives without each other. Even though we were both successful as individuals we both felt that the other person enhanced who we already were.
Advice to singles wanting to get married: Don’t rush it, communicate beforehand and make the right choice. Once you make that choice do everything you can to make your marriage good and healthy. Don’t wait until you’re in trouble to equip yourself with the tools you need to succeed.
Advice on finding a mate? Invest in yourself: We often look for a mate with qualities that we don’t have ourselves. Work on you so you’re prepared when that other person comes into your life.
Stephanie Cooke is a prolific and successful television executive living in Virginia. She produced two amazing boys with her wonderful husband, John Williams Cooke.
On how she met her husband: He was the drumline captain and I was the flagline captain in the high school marching band. We dated for a month. We broke up. We dated again. My aunt had a baby 3 months into the second go round. The baby, Christina, was born prematurely and with more birth defects than I could even count. From encephalitis to missing fingers and toes and eyelids. She lived four months.
During those four months, my aunt visited Christina very few times. She just couldn’t face the situation. My seventeen-year-old boyfriend, on the other hand, insisted that we go every evening after school. He was the only person who ever held her. He sang to her and kissed her. He talked to her about his day. On the day of her funeral, he cried more than even her mother.
Why did she get married: I don’t judge my aunt, but I certainly judged my boyfriend. I knew that if he ever asked me to marry him, I would. As a child of an ugly divorce who was, at the time completely disconnected from her father, what I wanted more than anything in a husband was someone who would be the greatest dad to my future children. He asked me to marry him one month into my senior year of high school. We got married one month before the end of my senior year of high school. (Next year will be married for 25 years.)
Marital wisdom: Is it easy? NO! We even separated for a year in the middle of all those years. It’s more work than you can imagine if you haven’t been there. It can be all that it’s cracked up to be if you put it at the top of your list every day. Some days you don’t make it, and some days you do. But he is the best Daddy. I was right about that.
Advice: Commitment means committing. Going the distance isn’t easy, but the finish line tastes great.
Kisha Morrison is stay at home wife and mom of an active three year old. Her husband Julius doesn’t know what he would do without her.
How she met her husband: I met my spouse at church. I dropped him home after Bible study one night and we talked. We went to a church dance and went on a date a few days later. I think he won my heart after listening to a sad story he told about growing up. (I’m a sucker for a “but I’m still standing” story). I knew I wanted to marry him when he said he wanted the exact same things as I did for our future and when I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else…ever.
Marital insights: Is it what it is cracked up to be? Yes and no. There have been good times and bad times. Fidelity and infidelity. Truths and untruths. Laughter and tears. Love and not so much.
Why did she get married: I got married because I loved my husband dearly, wanted to start and be a family with him and wanted to be an example of a “strong Black family”. Advice? The man should have a fear of God. Anything that may be contradictory to your vows should be impossible to do because of it.