It’s a well known fact that this horrible and incurable disease has occurred in nearly every human alive today. It is most commonly associated with irritation and discomfort in the distal phalanx. Despite many new treatments and scientific discoveries including painful shots, expensive prescriptions, nutrition patches, awareness groups, and the Government’s recent attempt to provide funding, there’s still no cure for the common hangnail.
But don’t fret! I’m here to tell you about this new, completely legal, over-the-counter pill that will insure that you never have another hangnail again. Results have been proven within just days of taking this medication. Talk to your doctor about Festicillin today.
Festicillin is not recommended for women who are pregnant or who may become pregnant, children under the age of eighteen, adults with low blood sugar, high blood pressure, unusual heart beats, food allergies, pet allergies, bad acne, insomnia, poor circulation, autism, ADD, ADHD, malnourishment, broken bones, fleas, watery eyes, staph infection, pink-eye, head lice, cancer, black T-shirts, food poisoning, the plague, kidney or liver disease, flip-flops, or those with a poor judge of character.
Side effects include but are not limited to: Drowsiness, insomnia, depression, hallucinations, worm infestation, constipation, vomiting, skin irritation, watery eyes, migraines, confusion, lack of appetite, unusual thoughts or behavior, hyperactivity, agitation, hostility, unusual or involuntary eye movements, weak or shallow breathing, thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself, chest tightness, fast or pounding heartbeats, pale skin, easy bruising or bleeding, new or worsening seizures, weight changes, slurred speech, lack of balance or coordination, photo-sensitivity, abdominal pain, hair-loss, bone pain, itching, bleeding, restlessness, ringing ears, swelling, sore mouth, upset stomach, diarrhea, dehydration, nausea, nose bleeds, fatigue, heartburn, vertigo, heart problems, infection, and chills.
This is not a complete list of side effects and others may occur. If you feel you are going into or about to go into a coma or state of death, stop taking Festicillin immediately.
Festicillin is designed to remove your nails completely without surgery or painful doses of Remove-Your-Nails shots. Stop stressing about your nails and start living your life. Ask your doctor about Festicillin today.