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Question
My son just turned 2 in September. For a month, potty training was great. He wanted to go, and he used it several times without me asking. Of course, the lovely regression into no interest has started. I’m not going to push him to potty train, but should I still regularly ask if he wants to use the potty chair? Or should I drop it for a few months?
Answer
Your low-pressure approach makes sense. We adults take bathroom visits for granted, but potty training can prove very stressful for toddlers. As his mom, you have the right to decide how you want to handle this matter. But as with any form of discipline, consistency is paramount. Be careful not to wait more than a few days to bring it up again. Toddlers often have short memories, and while you don’t want to push the boy too hard, neither do you want to start from scratch. And you certainly don’t want to teach him that if he dislikes something, he can simply refuse to do it.
Perhaps you can help yourself – and your son – by determining why he lost interest in potty training. Regression is very common, and there need not be a specific reason. But if you can identify your son’s motivation, you might find a way to address it and get him back in the saddle.
Did the boy get disappointed or sad after wetting himself? Some toddlers do their duty once and think they have it down. You may see similar conclusion-jumping later in life with doing algebra, driving cars, and dealing with girls. If the boy’s failure discouraged him, combat that by encouraging him – and by not getting upset or discouraged yourself. If your son was anything like mine, at that age he can recognize your moods, even if you attempt to hide them.
Did you regularly praise him for success at the potty? If so, good for you. If not, try it. Most toddlers already think of themselves as the center of the world, and they certainly appreciate recognition for their accomplishments. Give the boy compliments when he uses the potty, or even when he tries really hard and doesn’t quite get it done. Consider an extra treat at the end of the week or a chart with a gold star for a good week on the potty.
Did you ever associate punishments with potty training? Regular readers of this column know I believe in a firm and regular discipline system, and I hesitate to tell you not to enforce rules. But when it comes to potty training, go very light on the punishments. Remember, discipline simply means training. Your attempts to train your son to use the potty are simply an effort to instill the boy with a skill he will use for the rest of his life.
By all means, be disciplined in your approach and require your son to do his best. But remember that punishment is just one tool in the disciplinary arsenal, and it isn’t designed for this kind of work. Can you force a child to potty train against his will? Yes, with a lot of effort. Will it prove less stressful for the whole family if you allow a child to progress at his own pace? Absolutely.
Until your son has mastered the process, do not make any potty behavior a punishable offense. Of course, when 8-year-olds regularly make messes on the seat or paint happy yellow faces on the wall, treat the conduct for what it is – either laziness or rebellion. Your son, however, has yet to reach that point.
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