I used to have a regular job. I know that all forms of employment come with expectations from someone, your boss, your coworkers, your customers, someone, but I never expected motherhood would be one of those jobs or how much would be expected of me. Sometimes as I’m running down the long list of stuff I have to do the following day I don’t want to go to bed, because sleep is an inadequate use of my time, or maybe because I just don’t want to have to wake up to start all over again. The work load of a mother is heavy, and I often drop it and feel as if I can’t, or won’t even, pick it up again, but like every mom out there I do pick it back up because that’s what real moms do. It doesn’t change that dealing with those expectations from others is often harder than the actual work. This is one more way I try to stay sane…
Be mouthy.
I don’t mean sarcastically unpleasant to the point not one wants to be around you; I mean to mouth your feelings. If people are pouring a big bucket of expectation on your head and you feel like you’re drowning- say something. Many times I’ve found that expressing how I felt about what was expected of me helped me get my own feelings on the subject in order, and the feedback from those feelings often enlightens me to aspects I had no considered, or even solutions. Getting that frustration and/or desperation out just helps. Verbalizing your feelings about what’s expected of you may also reveal you placed certain expectations upon yourself that no one actually expects.
Ask for help.
Ambition is another one of my major issues as a mom. (You can read about conquering that struggle here.) I’m not alone in my I-can-do-it-all attitude and I shouldn’t be doing it all alone- either should you. Asking other members of the family to help not only gets you help, but offers perspective for those not doing your job. They may have a new found respect, for example, after they scrub all the dishes, or deal with the kids for awhile while attempting to cook or clean.
Don’t focus on failures.
I could have a mental list of twenty items, and fail to complete one, and feel as if I failed. In my mind I’d focus on that failure, and let it make me feel like an inadequate wife and mother. Don’t do that. Focus on what you have done, not what you weren’t able to get done. Remember that tomorrow is another day, and the upside of having to start over tomorrow is you get another chance. Most expectations in motherhood don’t have due dates.
Prioritize.
Finally, keep realistic priority chains. To me, my kids being well cared for and happy is my top priority, if I complete that expectation then I am a successful mother. Be careful that you don’t lose sight of what’s really important in life under the burden of housework and obligation.
How do you deal with expectation as a mom?
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