JOB OPENING/President of the United States

by on March 7th, 2015
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Closing Date For This Position: Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Initial 4 year contract may lead to an additional 4 years after satisfactory review.

This position requires the following:

Strength of Character – applicants will be required to make tough decisions requiring the courage to step up at a moments notice and make critical judgments. Those who have a tendency to jump to conclusions and change their point of view based on popular demand need not apply.

Honesty – Any promises made during the interview process are expected to be kept. i.e. our deficit being cut in half, unemployment not going above eight percent.

Personal Responsibility – Applicants who intend to blame their shortcomings, failures and inability to improve conditions in the workplace on the person who formerly held the job will only look petty and whiny and should seek other employment opportunities.

Willingness to work long hours – The ideal candidate should realize that this position is 24/7 and 365 days per year. Paid vacation time for you and your family will be in line with the average American family and you will be expected to show economic restraint in the planning of these vacations. Lead by example! This is not a novel concept!

Problem solving skills – Gas prices will be a priority item. The ideal candidate will exhibit the ability to get speculators out of the oil commodities market where they are controlling the price of a necessity and jeopardizing an anemically slow recovery. (Jimmy Carter may have thought this was a good idea, but should the price of oil be controlled by speculators running up the cost for their own profit?) Please note: Mr. Carter’s employment contract was not renewed and the successful candidate should keep that in mind.

Decision Making Skills – (See Strength of Character), as you will be required to make policy decisions that are in the best interest of everyone and not just those who can financially benefit you at the time of your job review. Such decisions will include energy policies that could create hundreds of thousands of jobs. Can you say Keystone Pipeline? Additionally, the successful candidate will be able to resist political influences to make policies that benefit a few, may sound great to environmentalists, but end up costing Americans billions, again. Can you say Solyndra?

The ideal applicant will be asked to do the following:

Pledge to take care of our own people – No more aid to every country that even has a hiccup. No more money to countries like Brazil for their oil exploration. Hello? Our oil production is now lower than 2008 levels and we exported more oil this year than any previous year. The successful candidate will know exactly how much it costs to fill a gas tank, or to heat a home with oil.

Stay out of our churches

Stay out of our kid’s lunch bags

Not engage in class warfare

Cut taxes, cut spending, and generally live within your means.

Serious Inquiries only please. Humble public servant – types will be given hiring preference.


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