How to Talk to Parent’s of an Autistic Child

As a previous teacher of Autistic children and a friend to several families with autistic children, I am always concerned and cautious when talking to parents about their Autistic children. Parents with these children deal with the reality of their child’s diagnosis on a daily basis. However, what I discovered from my years of teaching was that parents are reluctant to be realistic about their child’s ability and prognosis. Sensitivity proves the key when talking to parents about their child’s condition. A few simple tips make talking to parents about their child’s ability easier.

Autism runs a full spectrum of ability levels from Aspergers to highly Autistic. Each child’s abilities and condition are as unique as the next. A child with Aspergers might only have mild social disabilities where a child with full blown Autism, might not not talk or manage basic daily activities. As teachers, the goal is not to take away a parent’s hope, but to teach them to live with their child’s disability and to work within their functioning level. Too often a parent will take a small step, such as a first word at the age of ten, as a major milestone. While it is for the parent and child and should be celebrated, one word is in no way a major leap towards shedding the diagnosis of severe Autism. This is where tact and rapport comes into play.

First, a teacher should build rapport with the family and child. Ask about the child, their interests abilities and how the family deals with specific issues or behavior problems. Listen openly without giving suggestions at this stage. The parents have dealt with their child much longer than you, the new teacher. By listening, you might be a step ahead when dealing with behavior issues and needs the child will have during the school day.(http://www.bbbautism.com/pdf/article_2_building_rapport.pdf)

Give the parent a daily report on their child. Did he smile that day, greet a classmate or interact in any social activity? Try to be positive. While behavior issues should be addressed, no parent wants to start the school year hearing how awful their child is. After all, all teachers of severely Autistic children know that behavior issues are a given in a classroom. Report on any progress the child makes or on any new skills learned. Did the student shake someone’s hand or sit still during a lesson? While these may not be major milestones in a normal child’s academic day, something as minor as these feats are major learning achievements in a severe Autistic child’s life. As most Autistic classrooms limit size to no more than ten students, a daily note or contact proves easy. Merely write an encouraging note in the planner or call the parent, if requested. Remember the key word in this phase of the teacher – parent relationship is building rapport.

Ensure that parents understand classroom rules and the reasons. Sudden classroom instruction interruptions are to be expected in the classroom. However, dangerous behavior towards self or others should never be tolerated. Most schools have behavior specialists. These professionals assist a teacher, parent and other school staff in creating a specific behavior plan for each child, if needed. A teacher of Autistic children needs to alert the parent to any dangerous activity, both for the child’s sake, other students and the teachers. Some teachers end up with injuries as they ignore severe behavior issues. While children do not intend any harm, impulsive behavior sometimes leads to injury to self or others. Ensure that each parent knows your school’s and classroom’s time out policy. Some classrooms have a safe time out room while others send students to a behavior specialist for time out. Once the child clams down, they return to the classroom with other students.

Now comes the hard part – talking to parents about their child’s ability and chance of improvement. Never take away hope. That is all that is left for some families. However, once rapport develops between you and the parent, ask for a parent – teacher conference to discuss their child’s progress. Use the parents as a source of reference and ask what they see as realistic goals for their child. Parents of Autistic children are correct in stating that their child is not mentally challenged. Autism is not a mental retardation diagnosis. However, academic and social developmental delays sometimes are extreme. Create a list of parents goals for their child and discuss each one. Ask why they want that goal for their child and if they believe it is realistic. Through experience, I often find that parents come to the correct decision on their own. They merely need someone to listen to them. For example, I had one parent who was determined their severely Autistic child would communicate verbally with them normally one day. Although this occurs, it is rare. Verbal and social deficiencies are a major continuing hallmark of a diagnosis of Autism. I have discovered that the best policy is to listen. Deep down parents know their child’s abilities.

Help the parent create an achievable goal for their child. Perhaps the parent wishes for the child to feed his self with a spoon without throwing food. Discuss with the parent how to make this happen. Use any resources at your disposal from behavior suggestions, to positive rewards for task completion to supplying necessary visual cue cards. Letting the parent see their child accomplish a major goal assists in helping them to realize what their child really is capable of.

Working or parenting Autistic children proves difficult. In the end, the rewards far outweigh the negative. Develop rapport with parents, get to know them and their child then assist them in creating realistic goals. One of the greatest rewards in teaching these children is watching even the smallest accomplishments. The greatest is receiving a phone call from a parent bragging on what their child achieved. It makes teaching Autistic children worthwhile!


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