The decision has been made; you are getting married. He asked, you accepted and you are on your way. So much planning, so much preparation, what to do first? In the middle of your hectic wedding schedule you need to think about vows. Traditional? Personal? Short? Long? Here are a few suggestions on what to keep in mind when finalizing your wedding vows.
5) TRADITION: Tradition only becomes tradition because it has been repeated over and over again. Something that has been around long enough to merit the designation of tradition deserves to be considered. Tradition carries wealth, but it is also tradition only because it has been around for so long. It is very important to consider the traditional, but remember to closely analyze that tradition for appropriateness to your personal situation. What was wonderful 100 years ago may not be acceptable for your purposes today.
4) LENGTH: Consider the length of your wedding and the endurance of your audience. Structure the content of your vows to accommodate the desired length of your overall wedding. I have administered vows that lasted up to 5 minutes, all the way down to very brief traditional vows that were concluded within seconds. Typically, vows are not the longest part of the ceremony, but they can seem it. Every line is usually a “repeat after” line and this makes the vows last twice as long as what you may have thought; keep that in mind when you structure your vows.
3) CHRISTIAN: By definition, marriage is based on a Christian foundation. God established the first marriage between Adam and Eve. That does not mean, however, that you must flood your vows with Christian thoughts. Consider the intent and purpose, but first consider your innermost feelings and opinions on the matter. Before you include either traditional or personal vows, be sure to answer yourself on the question of whether this will be a Christian wedding, a non-distinct wedding or one totally non-Christian. Build your vows accordingly.
2) FAMILY: No doubt there will be parents and grandparents in your audience. No matter what their current relationship with one another, I am certain some of them will be there. When considering your vows you might keep them in your thoughts. For some reason, as we age, we tend to get more and more attuned both to religion and to traditional values. If parents and Grand Parents are of primary significance to you, you might consider including some token of your respect for them. Perhaps the “Through thick and thin” line from the original, traditional vows. Consider giving them something to recognize and to appreciate.
1) PERSONAL: You are writing your own vows so you need to make them your own. Think deep and discover what is truly on your mind. How do you really feel about your new spouse to be and the ceremony you are going through? Feel free to say exactly what is on your mind. If the vows are your own they will probably not be the “repeat after” type. Keep in mind that you will have to commit to memory whatever you plan on saying. You could make notes and refer to them, but that does not enhance the ceremony at all. Number one, make sure you say exactly what you need to say, but don’t forget number two; you will have to remember everything you plan to say.
Writing your own vows does not have to be threatening at all. Say what is on your mind and the results will be beautiful, trust me.