I’ve been in this situation a few times. I’ve dated guys who were otherwise fantastic, but when it came time to kiss, it was a buzz kill!
How do you deal with a bad kisser? Do you try to improve the situation? Focus on the person’s otherwise wonderful qualities? Or walk away?
1. Evaluate the potential in this situation.
Are you dating someone who is considerate, open to new ideas, and eager to please? If so, then there’s hope. This type of person may not be a naturally gifted kisser, but he’ll be motivated to improve because he genuinely wants you to be happy.
2. Be respectfully honest if he asks how it was.
If he asks how it was, you owe it to yourself (and him) to tell the truth. Of course, there are respectful ways to tell him without hurting his feelings. Instead of “ewww you kiss like a drowning anchovy,” you could say, “I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I wasn’t crazy about (fill in the blank).”
3. Make positive suggestions about what you would like.
Negative reinforcement could potentially cause him to clam up and make matters worse. Instead of focusing on the criticism, you could word suggestions in positive language. “Hey honey, why won’t we try (fill in the blank)? This could be really fun!”
4. Find ways to learn and explore together.
My first kiss was with a boy I had met at music camp. And although he was very sweet and cute, the kiss itself was weird and awkward. Yet I knew that we were both inexperienced and that it could improve.
We decided to make the process fun by watching movies with kissing scenes, and observing what other couples did. Then we would have open conversations about what we liked, didn’t like, and what we wanted to try. The most important thing was that we were both open to new ideas and willing to communicate.
5. Lead by example.
Sometimes the best way to lead is by example. If explaining the situation doesn’t work, you could just show him how it’s done.
6. If the situation doesn’t improve, then reevaluate your options.
If the situation doesn’t improve, then you will probably have to reevaluate the relationship. If this person makes you happy in other ways, and kissing is not so important to you, then it could still work as long as long as you focus on the other activities you enjoy together.
If you’ve tried everything, but are unable to get past the bad kissing, then maybe it’s a sign that you and your partner just don’t have the right romantic connection.